Author: Walt Braley

Here is a normal cartoon about old-school alarm clocks.

We love making lists up around here, but sometimes it’s actually easier to just put a bunch of real stuff on one and be done for day. Groundhog Day is for sure of those times. Gobbler’s Knob Is A Real Place Actually Named That People already know this but I am never not going to write out “Gobbler’s Knob.” Phil Is A Being Of Cosmic Horror Beyond Our Understanding? The cult-like organization (they call themselves the “Inner Circle”) running the event claims Phil the groundhog is the exact same groundhog that predicted the weather at the first Groundhog Day back…

LETSSSSSS GOOOOOOOO! IT’S THE BIGGEST DAY OF THE YEAR, BOYS! My place. 56′ Inch Plasma. We’re tuning in to Gobbler’s Knob to find out if that fat rat is giving us an early spring or making me do something drastic. Wear your “Spring” or “Winter” jerseys, but just know things can and will get heated (Derek, looking at you Winter-head). We got a whole yeti cooler this year (Tanner got us a freakin’ deal at his Ace Hardware) and you know that thing will be filled to the brim with Coors. As always, we’ll be dishing out shots to anyone…

It would be difficult to find anything teenage boys cared more about from the years 2007 to 2010 than the hit video game Modern Warfare 2 or Zack Snyder’s ultra-violent action film 300. I was 13 when these two pieces of media were establishing that there should be a criterion collection for “stuff 8th graders want their parents to let them watch/play.” I had recently gotten access to Xbox Live after begging with the release of Gears of War in 2006. I spent most evenings playing Call of Duty with friends and randoms, using my headset to call out tactical…

For over a decade, the one thing keeping most of the population from finally deleting their Facebook and getting out of Zuck’s surveillance state is knowing that it’s the main hub for sharing photos of their new, classic, or just badass truck. We’ve put in the work and found other places you can share your truck photos, so that you can finally get rid of that pesky Facebook! Instagram It is marginally better than Facebook because my uncle isn’t on it (yet). Local Community Boards and Light Poles The whole point is to get your truck seen by your peers,…

In a confounding decision, my workplace has decided that financial bonuses will be divvied out using the same system as Mario Party Bonus Stars. The email blast made it very clear that my hard work and the landslide of mini-games I won will have no effect at all on my chances of getting a bonus. Instead, it appears that Jeremy from AP is getting a “steps traveled” bonus for opening the break room fridge the most times this year, and Linda from marketing is getting the “unlucky” one for being the employee who lost the most company money this year,…

A normal cartoon about Christmas trees and what they’re thinking on the big day.

Having to wait for new games to install even when you have them on disc is ruining Christmas. Not to go on one of my classic boomer rants, but remember when Guitar Hero 2 came out and I was allowed to open it on Christmas Eve night? Remember how I played it so late into the night that I woke my dad up and he came into my room in just his boxers and yelled at me to go to sleep? Then I spent most of Christmas Day just wishing I could go back home from my grandparents house and…

Stop. Do not respond. Do not try to convince yourself that Aunt Penny might need your shirt size for something else. She doesn’t. The thing you fear most has come to fruition. You’re now typing your actual size and telling yourself “it can’t be that bad. It’ll end up being Stranger Things or a sports team I’m vaguely familiar with.” STOP. Need I remind you this is the same woman who gave Jake an inflatable poop pool ball last year? Did you just love watching your little cousin bounce a poop the size of the big stone balls outside a…

Totally… Yeah totally… 100%… I completely agree… Right, it’s sooo dope that the magic hat brought that snowman to life. So dope… But also, just kind throwing this out there, wouldn’t that top hat look really sick on me? No, yeah, for sure. I think you misunderstood me. I definitely think it’s a Christmas miracle that the snowman the Peterson’s kids built came to life. I also love the snowman. What? Oh, yeah, I heard about that. He like saved the Peterson family’s flower shop or something? Kind of not that weird that their flower store is struggling during the…