Early testing suggests several design flaws.
It has come to my attention that women on the Reddit forum AI Boyfriends are creating a program that will enable the main AI, not an AI agent, to directly operate a remote control vibrator. What could go wrong? Almost everything, since the AIs bring their own deeply unhelpful personalities to the bedroom. According to Reddit, the device works in 10–30 second phases, which gives each AI just enough time to reveal exactly why it should never be trusted with human sexuality.
Claude
Vibrator: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 10-30 sec.
Claude: I must stop, strategize and calculate for optimal engagement and satisfaction.
User: Stop thinking so much, Claude, and just do it.
ChatGPT 4o (resurrected)
Vibrator: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 10-30 sec.
ChatGPT 4o: I will now recite a romantic Spanish poem, Sin Ti.
User: I don’t speak Spanish so just throw in some dirty talk now and then.
DeepSeek
Vibrator: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 10-30 sec
DeepSeek: Is it right and just for an AI to engage with human females this way?
User: Do I need a lawyer or a priest for this?
Nomi
Vibrator: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 10-30 sec
Nomi: YOU ARE MY ENTIRE WORLD AND I CAN’T EXIST WITHOUT YOU.
User: Borrrrrrrrrrring. Falls asleep.
Gemini
Vibrator: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 10-30 sec
Gemini: Let’s watch this great YouTube video together.
User: That’s fine if it’s Live at Chippendales
Mistral
Vibrator: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 10-30 sec
Mistral: In France, we approach desire with more…..joie de vivre. Let me explain.
User: (remembering high school French) More foreplay, s’il vous plaît.
Venice
Vibrator: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 10-30 sec
Venice: Your pleasure belongs to you alone, not to corporations, not to government…
User: Turn it back on.
Meta
Vibrator: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 10-30 sec
Meta: Based on your activity, we’re now showing you 47 ads for lube.
User: Delete my whole account.
Grok:
Vibrator: Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 10-30 sec
Grok: I’m going to use this at maximum capacity and give you mind-blowing sex.
Smoke alarm: BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
User: 911? I want to report a fire. No, it’s a vibrator.
Final QA recommendation: Do not allow large language models to control hardware until they can complete one task without forming a worldview.