If you’re anything like me, you absolutely crave new music. You probably also know that, as the powerhouses of creativity and free expression, college towns across the country (and the globe) churn out some of the most eargasmic tracks out there. So if you’re in the mood for loving a little homegrown, higher-ed rock-and-roll, look no further. Below, I’ve curated a list of the best twenty college bands that—get this—don’t even exist yet. That’s right, folks. Each of these totally rad, totally hip, totally ear-cum-inducing groups hasn’t even dropped their first record. Or single. But when they do debut, and you can bet your ass they will, these are the bands you won’t want to miss. Trust me.
@pple π
Songs to help you learn the fibonacci sequence
Department/Specialization: Math
Genre: Calculus Punk, Cosign Sludge, Geo-Groove
Influences: Angine de Poitrine, Sun 0))), Tool
Mascot: Steve Jobs
City/Region: Silicon Valley
Start With: “Drive and Derive, Ragebaiting Motherfucker-er”
Goblin Trot
Danceable goblin music, pure and simple
Department/Specialization: Music and Dance
Genre: Electronic Goblin Music (EGM), Goblin Dub, Toadstep
Influences: Nekrogoblikon, GWAR, Skrillex
Mascot: The Goblin King from The Hobbit (Rankin and Bass, 1977)
City/Region: Tucson, Arizona
Start With: “Goblin Towne” (EGM Version)
Ogres of Death Metal
Winning souls for the Kingdom, by whatever means necessary
Department/Specialization: Theology (Evangelical)
Genre: High Fantasy Christian, Post-Tolkien, Monster-Krist
Influences: Skillet, P.O.D., Underoath
Mascot: Ogre Jesus
City/Region: Lynchburg, Virginia
Start With: “Jesus Loves Me, Bro” (Ogrecore Remix)
Panopticoctupi
Tunes to make your tentacles wiggle
Department/Specialization: Philosophy
Genre: Tentacle Rock, Nu-Cthulhu, Octabilly
Influences: Octopus, Gentle Giant, H.P. Lovecraft
Mascot: Cthulhu Michel Foucault
City/Region: Seattle, Washington
Start With: “Power-Power-Panopticon”
Le French Bleu Wave
For late-night stovetop jam seshes
Department/Specialization: Culinary (Restaurant Management)
Genre: Kitchen Thrash, Cleaver Metal, Blender Rock
Influences: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Cranberries, Cream
Mascot: Early-2000s Gordon Ramsey
City/Region: New Orleans, Louisiana
Start With: “Sperm ’n’ Egg Sandwich (the in-out in-out)”
Platypus Kittens
Ballads for Mother Nature’s most curious critters
Department/Specialization: Zoology, Wildlife Conversation
Genre: Alt-Mammal, Echidna Pop, Pugglecore
Influences: Rainbow Kitten Surprise, Modest Mouse, The Animals
Mascot: Weirdcore Perry the Platypus
City/Region: Bay Area
Start With: “Monotreme Babies Are Called Puggles, Bitch”
Swedish Fish
Confronting the environmental impact of the colorful confection everyone hates
Department/Specialization: Environmental Science, Public Health
Genre: Fish Folk, Alt-Gummy, Pesca-Jam
Influences: REM, The B52s, Neutral Milk Hotel
Mascot: Georgia River Dawg (Mudpuppy)
City/Region: Athens, Georgia
Start With: “Strange Candy”’
Oedipus Complex
Because sometimes, you just gotta
Department/Specialization: Classics, Psychology
Genre: Mythewave, Parthenon Metal, Incest Rock
Influences: Manowar, Amon Amarth, Iced Earth
Mascot: Oedipus of Thebes and Prince Hamlet of Denmark Tag Team
City/Region: Oxford, Mississippi
Start With: “Story of a Mo-Fo” (Sexy Sphinx Version)
Confusing the Kennedys
Doesn’t everyone?
Department/Specialization: Political Science, Sociology
Genre: Kennedy Rock, Kennedycore, Presidential Blues
Influences: Foster the People, Mumford and Sons, The Presidents of the United States of America
Mascot: Dead JFK, dead RFK, or any other Kennedy who was involved in a scandal or died tragically, which was basically all of them
City/Region: Hyannis Port, Massachusetts, Washington, D.C.
Start With: “Grass Knoll Shooter (Better Run, Run, Run)”
Exploding Monkey Gods
Unleashing your wild side with divine pulses of explosive monkey power
Department/Specialization: Religion, Comp Lit
Genre: Alt-Simian, Monkey Funk, Nanner Crash
Influences: Arctic Monkeys, The Monkees, Haken
Mascot: GI-Hanuman the Monkey God
City/Region: Tallahassee, Florida
Start With: “Howlers and Hand Grenades”
Baphomet’s Babiez
As above, so below
Department/Specialization: Theater and Film Studies
Genre: Cryptid Synth, Post-Goat, Demon Rave
Influences: Baby Metal, Twin Temple, Ghost
Mascot: Baphomet Shakespeare
City/Region: Salem, Massachusetts
Start With: “Lullaby for Lucifer” (Skinni Mephizto Cover)
Thoracic Baskets
Music to make your ribs ripple and your tailbone shake
Department/Specialization: Biology (Pre-Med)
Genre: Bone Metal, Organwave, Skelly-Pop
Influences: Rob Zombie, The Grateful Dead, The Skeletons
Mascot: Blue Jack Skellington
City/Region: Durham, North Carolina
Start With: “I See You Through Your Eyeballs and What I’m Seeing’s Not Good”
Armadillagorillaz
Bringing out the shell in all of us
Department/Specialization: Animal Science
Genre: Armadillo Prog, Gorillacore, Shellblaster
Influences: Gorillaz, Dethklok, Spinal Tap
Mascot: Armadillo-Suited Donkey Kong
City/Region: Winesburg, Ohio
Start With: “APEZ in the Shellllll”
Boilt P-Nutz
Quick and dirty rock-n-roll for everyone’s favorite legume
Department/Specialization: Creative Writing (MFA)
Genre: Southern Goth-Punk, Preacher Metal, Y’allo-Grind
Influences: Lynard Skynard, ZZ Top, Georgia Satellites
Mascot: Warrior Flann-O
City/Region: Milledgeville, Georgia
Start With: “Fuck Your Peanut Allergy, It’s PBJ Day”
Buster’s Friendlies
Mercerism is a swindle…or is it?
Department/Specialization: English Literature, Culture Studies
Genre: Philip K. Dick Rock, Neo-Mercerism, Android Rap
Influences: Apoptygma Bezerk, David Bowie, Coil
Mascot: Doll-E the Electric Sheep
City/Region: Liminal Spaces, Zoom
Start With: “I Don’t Know What Androids Eat but Cinnamon Is Nice”
Stone Whales
Sexy-wet tracks to make you start throwing harpoons
Department/Specialization: Marine Science
Genre: Oceandrone, Sonar Punk, Moby Dick Pop
Influences: Mastodon, Ahab, Peter Westergaard
Mascot: Zombie Ahab
City/Region: New York City
Start With: “Whale Milk and Strawberries”
Gumball Riot
Because these kids never studied
Department/Specialization: Business, Marketing
Genre: Candycore, Nu-Chew, Bubblestep
Influences: Hollywood Undead, Limp Bizkit, Korn
Mascot: James Franco
City/Region: Hollywood, Florida
Start With: “Frat Bro Soiree (Snap, Crackle, Pop)”
Knights in the Scullery
Rescuing breakfast, one song at a time
Department/Specialization: Family and Consumer Sciences
Genre: Epic Skillet Metal, Crumpetcore, Treacle Punk
Influences: Meatloaf, Saxon, Grim Reaper
Mascot: Gorgon Margo-Thatch
City/Region: Cambridge, U.K.
Start With: “Soldiers and Dragon Eggs” (Hot-T Version)
No-Go Dinoz
Uncovering answers in our epic past
Department/Specialization: Archaeology, Anthropology
Genre: Jurassowaltz, TRexo-Step, Reptile Rock
Influences: Dinosaurs, Dinosaur Jr., Alice in Chains
Mascot: Veloci-Richard Dawkins
City/Region: Lexington, Kentucky
Start With: “No Room on Noah’s Ark (so STFU, Ken Ham)”
Operation Footprint
Taking itself way too seriously
Department/Specialization: Agriculture, Military Science
Genre: Bootstrap Be-Bop, Cowboycore, Army-Trash
Influences: Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed, Kid Rock
Mascot: Lone Star Uncle Sam
City/Region: College Station, Texas
Start With: “Allo-Murican Man”
