There is a Lake Pussy in Ontario, Canada. If that were the name of Lake Ontario, would President Trump not try to change it to Lake of America?
Presidential Naming and Renaming Action Plans: Bodies of Water
- Deal for naming rights to South America’s Lake Titicaca (replacing Blue Lake Tahoe?) because name makes the President, like all pre-pubescent boys, chuckle.
- Claim naming rights to Lake Poopo, once Bolivia’s second-largest lake before it dried up like the climate-change-denying President’s positive poll numbers, to rename a Haitian lake or a lake near a Democratic controlled “shithole” city.
- Grab Crotch Lake name on Canadian/Minnesota border from the “Province once known as Ontario” — the President is on record as liking to grab Crotches.
- Convince dictator friends to help move or coerce world opinion to change Woke name of Black Sea (“White Sea”? “DEI Sucks Sea”?).
- Tweet Presidential preference replacement name for Stupid Lake in Canada’s Manitoba Province: “PM Mark Carney Lake.”
- Threaten raising Canadian tariffs another 5% if Carney refuses name-change of Hudson Bay’s Bay of God’s Mercy to appease MAGA base: “Bay of Christian God’s Mercy.”
- Double down on the Great Lakes, changing French and Indian names of Superior, Michigan, Huron, Erie, and Ontario to “Lakes Trump, Make, America, Great, and Again.”
Monument USA Legacies to President and Friends or to Name-Shame Foes:
- Change Toejam Lake in California to “Bunion Lake” to celebrate Commander-in-Chief’s Vietnam era military deferment.
- Rename Dirty Man Lake in Minnesota “Epstein Lake,” which some might call “Calling the Kettle Black Lake.”
- Similar to adding Trump name to Kennedy Center, refashion Minnesota’s Big Dick Lake as “Trump’s Big Dick Lake.”
- Have Vance, Kushnir, and Hegseth arm wrestle to determine whose name will be attached to Maryland’s Prettyboy Reservoir.
- By executive order rename Minnesota’s Nimrod Lake “Democratic Progressive Socialist Commies Nimrod Lake.”
- Outlaw “immigrant body of water names” such as fjord, firth, billabong, and tarn.
- Michigan’s Witch Lake will morph into “Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Lake.”
- Tweet repeatedly to name-shame the Southern California Bight as “California/Mexico Bite.”
Retaliatory Democratic Name Change Plan if Mid-Terms Go Solidly Blue
- Pass Bill (surely to be vetoed) obtaining shared naming rights from a grateful Australia for its Lake Disappointment to name a lake in every state, “Trump’s Lake Disappointment.”
