WASHINGTON, DC — As troubled renovations to the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool dragged on this week, U.S. officials confirmed Iran has claimed control of the crucial body of water, creating what experts called “a potentially devastating choke point for nearly 20% of all high school field trips.”
“This is not merely a construction failure,” said one senior State Department official. “It is now a geopolitical flashpoint with consequences for souvenir pencil sales and restricting the flow of teachers through the region.”
Iranian officials reportedly expressed surprise at how little resistance they encountered, and quickly restored clear water to the pool.
At press time, the Pentagon was reportedly weighing a limited response, including sanctions, strongly worded statements, and another annihilation.