With workers, most unions, immigrants who for years have been the backbone and muscle behind the American economy, and many labor families virtually personas non grata, the National Labor Day holiday celebration picnic this year was virtually a secret to most Americans.
Reliable sources tell us if humans protest this turn-of-event, their call or chat will get sent into a doom loop.
Details of the celebration, which we obtained by torturing this publication’s AI agent (we withheld a charge) follow:
Theme:
“No, AI is Not a Steak Sauce: It’s Staking Out Our Future”
Date:
September 7 (not May Day/International Worker’s Day when Commies celebrate labor)
11:00 AM – 9:00 PM EST
Invitees:
No humans! Only AI Agents and Assistants, including Bots
Organizing Committee:
Alexa (Amazon); Siri (Apple); Erica (B of A); Google Gemini; Bixby (Samsung); Claude (Anthropic); Copilot – aka Cortana (Microsoft); ChatGPT (Open AI)
Major Sponsors
- American Bitcoin Corp.
- World Liberty Financial
- Crypto.Com
- OpenAI’s Operator
- Devin AI by Cognition Labs
- Claude by Anthropic
- Amazon’s Nova Act
11:00 AM Virtual Parade Theme: “Up, Up, and Away”
Major participants floating high like helium character balloons:
Aether, Astra, Cypher, Echo, Iris, Neo, Orion, Proxima, Vesper, and Zenith
11:45 AM Ceremony / Honoring Original AI Hall of Fame Inductees
• MIT’s ELIZA (1966)Chatbot anticipated “Jeopardy,” rephrasing user input as questions
• DEEP BLUE (1967) Chess-playing AI Supercomputer, kicked Chess Grandmaster Garry
Kasparov’s Russkie ass
12:30 PM B-B-Q Lunch Menu Items:
Jobs (not Steve) Prepped to Devour:
1. 20-40% of lawyers’ jobs (Appetizer)
2. 50-100% of teacher, journalist, and writer jobs (Salad)
3. 60% of administrative jobs (Main Entrée)
4. 25% of global labor market jobs (Dessert)
1:30 PM Afternoon Nap
Sleep Mode, Recharge, Auto-Correct; Sleep Mode
2:30 PM Sports and Games
1. Traditional Sports – [Is It, or Isn’t It? Bet on Results Remotely — Kalshi]
- Baseball: Robo Umps Challenges (ABS)
- Soccer: Video Assistant Referee (VAR) Offsides (SAOT) and GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLL Calls (GLT)
- Football: Sony’s Virtual Tech 1st down measurements (Hawk Eye)
- Basketball: Sony’s Virtual Tech Integrated Advanced Camera Systems to arbitrate challenges (Hawk Eye)
- Golf: “Tomorrow’s Golf League” (TGL) – Eliminating the course, of course
- Road Racing: Pitting Waymo, Tesla, Cruise, and Aurora.
2. E-Games (EGW – Will Tickle Your Motherboard and Light Up Your CPU)
- UFC Cage Matches streamed from virtual White House Lawn with avatar combatants looking like Red and Blue human politicians
B. Other Matches:
1. Late Summer Grudge Match: Mimu vs. UnbelievaBoat – Who’s your Daddy?
2. No Contest Match: AI Agents vs. AI Assistants – Autonomous vs. Task-Oriented – What’s the diff?
4:30 PM Whine Social
Assistants One-Up Each Other about Times They’ve Kept Humans in Chat or Phone “Doom Loop” While They Whined about Talking to Other Type of Live Customer Service Person
5:30 Cocktails and Dinner
Background Entertainment: Fashion Show Models on Photoshop Painted Red Carpet
(From Midjourney & Other Programs Anticipating Human Models/Actors Being Obsolescent)
Bank on Ally, Amy, Cora, DORI, Eva, Felix (not transgender nor a DEI inclusion; name means “successful”), NoMi, MYStacy, Sunny, and Zoe strutting stuff and undressed to show some code on virtual runway while we eat more jobs like old-school Pac-Man
7:30 Featured Small Group Collaboration Discussions/Topics:
A. Monitoring and Defeating Regulatory AI Legislation
B. Hackers: Pro and Con; Scam and Con
C. Fan Duel/Fanatics: What’s Left to Bet On?
D. Circumventing Communities Pushing Back Against Data Centers
E. Will It Be Helpful to Learn Chinese?
F. Human “AI Godfather” Geoffrey Hinton Says 10-20% chance So-called Immoral, Power-Seeking AI will Wipe Out Humans: Pushing the Odds
8:30 Culminating Drone Light Show
Sponsored by General Atomics [which Teases Possibility of Drone Armies]
Theme: “AI: Programming Path to Our Future on High”
