“The Tooth, the Truth, and nothing but the Tooth Truth” INFLATION BAD, BAD, BAD, but Delta Dental MADE MY TEETH CHATTERannouncing the AVERAGE under-the-pillow TOOTH FAIRY reward for babyTEETH has gone OVER $5 (a LINCOLN instead of a WASHINGTON or two!)nationally, after averaging $3.83 in 2013. WORSE, the little RICH squirt Billy inJunior’s class told him he got a JACKSON. A JACKSON! TWENTY friggingDOLLARS! (DUMB) You’d think his family used a silver spoon to RIP anELEPHANT TUSK OUT of Billy’s Pearly Whites. For a JACKSON, I might showup at Billy’s father’s mansion ARMED TO THE TEETH and teach his old…
Author: Ken Hogarty
Ken Hogarty
Dr. Ken Hogarty, who lives in SF’s East Bay with his wife Sally, retired after a 46-year career as a high school teacher and principal. Since, he has had stories, essays, memoirs, and comedy pieces published in Underwood, Sport Literate, Under Review, Sequoia Speaks, Woman’s Way, Purpled Nails, the S.F. Chronicle, McQueen’s, Points in Case, Glossy News, The Satirist, and Good Old Days. His novel, Recruiting Blue Chip Prospects recently launched to good reviews. You can preview the novel or check out other works at Kenhogarty.net.
The “Weathermen Along the Watchtower” Hacker Group revealed four new invasion plans getting serious play among MAGATES in Trump’s self-styled War Department. These latest revelations add to scenarios previously released by the group about prospective Greenland and Canada invasions. They follow what the American people, and a mute/moot Congress, have already witnessed with interdictions of Venezuelan fishing boats, a Brownshirt ICE storming of American cities, and a full-scale bombing campaign partnered with Israel against Iran. 1) The Netherlands War rationale against the Netherlands, which War Department Secretary Pete “Signal Chat” Hegseth calls Dutch Land: The glorifying of windmills, which the…
Denver Broncos 1) Like rooting for the underdog? Odds will be stacked against Denver with their quarterback’s participation nixed going forward and an untested sub replacing him; 2) Like to think history repeats? Broncos claimed last Santa Clara Super Bowl in 2016, 24-10 over the Carolina Panthers; 3) Broncos mascot Miles [High] would welcome some George Lucas movie magic to win team’s 4th Super Bowl (in nine tries), maybe financed by fellow Denver fan Warren Buffett; 4) Spared Buffalo fans their usual playoff angst with early elimination of the Bills, who followed suit by eliminating their coach; 5) Kurt Russell,…
Setting Odds for Going Down with the Ship Protection Fox’s new TV reality show, “POTUS PARDONS: WHO’S NEXT?” should prove popular. A 2018 SCOTUS ruling allows gambling services even to set odds for the betting public on reality show outcomes. On-air pundits will debate and set odds about the “next MAGA friend up for pardon.” They will also debate the President’s next usurpation, claiming the Hague’s jurisdiction to name and pardon international criminals. OFF THE BOARD: Pardoned This Week: TIM LEIWEKE – Texas Stadium Contractor, convicted by Trump’s own DOJ HENRY CUELLAR – Texas Dem, after bribery indictment JUAN ORLANDO HERNANDEZ – Former Honduran…
“Indifference to Running” Explanation to Replace Ralphie VI a Cover? Before its third football game, The University of Colorado unleashed living buffalo mascot Ralphie VII to lead its gridders onto the field, perpetuating an iconic NCAA tradition dating from 1967. Like seemingly everything in today’s culture, Ralphie VII’s usurpation came clouded in controversy. Leftist conspiracy theorists whisper that Ember (they/them), aka Ralphie VI, fired as the season started, was put out to pasture after four years for political reasons. The unveiling of the new mascot, nonetheless, suggests The University refused to be buffaloed. Ralphie VII, aka Jules (they/them), a female…
These questions used to have obvious answers. Is the Pope Catholic? Not enough for Catholic Cultural Warrior SCOTUS judges and Trump Cabinet appointees Does a bear shit in the woods? Not Putin’s Russian bear, which instead shits all over Trump and his Ukraine peace deals Does the Pope shit in the woods? Not Pope Francis, who instead shat all over J.D. Vance’s faulty immigration theology Are all polar bears white? Not as white as the America much of the MAGA movement would like it to be Does melting ice become water? Not as fast as when science disregarders ignore climate…
President Trump boasts about mastering “The Art of the Deal.” Alternative Progressive characterizations of Trump dealings Dems fear he uses to deal away democracy: The Art of the Unreal: Jettisoning truth for unreal, selfish assumptions only Qatar might understand The Art of the Surreal: Must-see TV: imagined Moonman negotiation about proposed lunar nuclear reactor The Art of the Spiel: Incessantly repeating name-shaming labels makes them believable The Art of the Eel: Elusive and devious, make yourself as slippery as an eel in negotiations and beyond The Art of the Steal: “What’s yours is mine; what’s mine is mine”: negotiation stance…
Baseball scouts rate prospects using a 20-80 scale (50 average) with each 10-point increment representing a standard deviation.Below, find DraftQueens’ Fantasy Top Ten Heartthrob Prospects, their Pitching Woo Ratings, and a Capsule Review: A) High Hard Stuff; B) Good Movement C) Change of Pace; D) Durability; E) Intangibles 1) Lancelot du Lac – A) 75; B) 75; C) 65; D) 70; E) 75) This pitcher of woo features pure stuff that he protects like a guarded Queen. He’s capable of bringing down dynasties and sweeping away formidable foes. Projections say he could stake a claim as a gifted closer, saving games…
Our revered POTUS trumpets, “I want a baby boom.” Relax, Melania, already father of all real Americans, he was talking about the U.S.A. as a country. Friend of Trump and Pronatalist activist Simone Collins and her husband proposed this past week that a National Medal of Motherhood Medals be initiated for married mothers who bear six children. I’m excited and working hard to get my corresponding MOFO Medal. This ancillary men’s award some males in the President’s Circle floated would complement my MAGA hat. It could replace the Congressional Medal of Freedom Medal, deemed moot. An important caveat demands that…
Remarks Expected during Revelries Wound Tighter than a Pre-Roll