CBS has announced that the stars of the popular and jingle-infused Pepto Bismol commercials will join Usher for the Apple Music Super Bowl LVIII Halftime Show on February 11.
In an interview with CBS Sports, Usher said, “For many years I suffered from nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea just before my performances. Thanks to Pepto Bismol, I take a spoonful before I step onto the stage, and I’m ready to put on a great show for my fans. Plus, that jingle is so damned catchy!’
Charlie Edwards, known as The Girl Wearing Pink Pants in the Pepto Bismol commercials, explained, “For many years I suffered from nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea whenever I listened to Usher’s music. Thanks to Pepto Bismol, I take a spoonful before I have to listen to any of his music, and I’m ready for an evening of his distinctive rhythm and blues hits. Plus, that jingle is so damned catchy!”
“Wait just a minute,” Usher said, approaching Edwards with a furrowed brow. “Are you saying my music causes you to have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea?”
Confused, Charlie responded, “Yes. Isn’t that what’s happening to you, too?”
“What?” Usher screamed. “Are you suggesting that singing my own music causes me to have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea?”
“That’s what it sounds like.”
“No, no, no! My own music most assuredly does not cause me to have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea! I have bouts of nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea because I suffer from stage fright.”
Curiously, Charlie asked, “So you’re saying that Pepto Bismol, in addition to helping relieve nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea, also cures stage fright?”
“Yes!” Usher exclaimed. “That is exactly what I’m saying!”
Charlie was beaming. “That’s amazing!”
(Editor’s Note: Our legal team requires us to post the following disclaimer. It has not yet been proven that Pepto Bismol is a cure for, or treatment of, stage fright. If you suffer from stage fright, consult a theatre professional.)
Still beaming, Charlie said, “We’ve resolved our differences! Now let’s sing an improvised song together!”
“What an ingenious idea! I’ll go first!” Usher began to sing, “Girl, I’d like to take you on a trip to Florida.”
Charlie sang, “Nausea.”
Usher sang, “We’ll go down to my condo in Melbourne.”
“Heartburn.”
“Your love answers all my life’s questions.”
“Indigestion.”
“My passion for you has run amuck.”
“Upset stomach.”
“Marrying you would be a beautiful idea.”
“Diarrhea.”
(Editor’s Note: Our legal team requires us to post the following disclaimer. We apologize for any trauma this journalism has caused. Should this journalism cause nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, or diarrhea, please contact Pepto Bismol.)
