Author: Maury Levine

CBS has announced that the stars of the popular and jingle-infused Pepto Bismol commercials will join Usher for the Apple Music Super Bowl LVIII Halftime Show on February 11. In an interview with CBS Sports, Usher said, “For many years I suffered from nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea just before my performances. Thanks to Pepto Bismol, I take a spoonful before I step onto the stage, and I’m ready to put on a great show for my fans. Plus, that jingle is so damned catchy!’ Charlie Edwards, known as The Girl Wearing Pink Pants in the Pepto Bismol…

You’re the last person I suspected! That alibi you gave me really held up well in court! You smell like the zoo! You’ve made static cling chic! I didn’t think you could sing Mambo Number Five for twenty-four straight hours! Your gravy literally saved my life! I can’t believe you swallowed it whole! Your solution to that quantum physics equation is both groundbreaking and hilarious! I’ve never seen anyone spit that far! Your bruise is simply beautiful! You’ve somehow managed to combine woodworking, origami, and pickleball into a fantastic new hobby! Your writing has really improved!

Following the enormous continiued success of NFL RedZone, the NFL has announced several new viewing options that are sure to become fan favorites!  NFL RefZone: Now you can see every penality from every game called by your favorite NFL referees! Thrill as Bill Vinovich announces a holding call on Kansas City Chiefs offensive tackle Jawaan Taylor! You’ll cheer as Shawn Hochuli announces a pass interference call on Los Angeles Rams defensive back Derion Kendrick! Upgrade to NFL RefZone+ and you’ll also get an exclusive look at the replay officials as they watch replays and ignore the evidence that is so…

Taylor Swift changed a lyric to her song “Karma” at a recent concert, acknowledging her relationship with Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce. Kelce’s reaction to the change was so strong, Swift decided to rename the song and change all of the lyrics to reflect her feelings for him. The new song is currently the number-one pop song in the world.  Travis (Karma) Searching for a boy for the hell of it One with a moustache, big as an elephant One who can make a first down ‘Cause I care, he’ll be right there Making defenders miss running everywhere…

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JHVEPhoto – stock.adobe.com Bath & Body Works today announced its exclusive new line of back-to-school scented candles. “Our new line of back-to-school scented candles was designed to make students and teachers happier through fragrance,” said CEO Gina Smellwell as her nostrils flared in happiness as she inhaled the new fragrances. “Although not yet verified by the Food and Drug Administration, there are strong indications that using these candles may increase student test scores by up to thirty percent.” The new fragrances for this year include: Liquid Paper Lilac Pumpkin Spice Locker Room Junior High School Body Odor Blueberry Teachers Designated…

Introducing Baby Eisenhower Educational Toys! Children will say “I Like Ike” as they embark on a lasting journey of learning with the lovable and cherubic version of the 34th President of the United States, Dwight D. “Ike” Eisenhower! Baby Eisenhower products include: Baby Eisenhower Touch and Explore Lil’ B-25 Mitchell Medium Bomber – Your child will love to squeeze and throw this colorful version of the plane that transported President Eisenhower during World War Two. The silicone plane is touch and movement activated – red, white, and blue lights will flash, realistic bombing sounds will blare, and non-toxic smoke will…

NASHVILLE, TN – Father of two Jeff Singletary refuses to fall into the trap of telling his children dad jokes, so he comes up with edgy and trendy comedy for them instead. “I’ve never been a fan of dad jokes,” Singletary says. “I find them corny, predictable, and too reliant on puns.” Singletary writes material daily and tests it out at a daycare center close to his house. “I’m fortunate that the daycare has open mic night every Tuesday so I can see what material works and what doesn’t. The kids there are very generous with their feedback and they’ve…

I’m a not well-known humor writer who has not been published on some of the finest humor websites on the internet. You’re probably hoping to have your humor writing not published by some of the finest humor sites, as well. You’re in luck! I’m about to share mistakes I’ve made in submitting humorous articles and the secrets to my non-success. If you follow my lead, your writing will live in obscurity for many years to come! Know What Editors Don’t Want – Don’t make the same mistake I made in dealing with an editor. Apparently, editors don’t want you to…

After 35 years and more than 13,000 performances, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of the Opera is ending on Broadway in April. As the musical finishes its historic run, the show’s actors, musicians, and technical crew are already looking for their next theatrical opportunities.  While many of them are optimistic about the prospects of being a part of a different production, the biggest star of Phantom is not looking forward to finding a new gig. “I’m pissed off about the show ending,” said The Chandelier. “Just look at me, dammit. There are not many roles for a big ass fancy…