Stop. Do not respond. Do not try to convince yourself that Aunt Penny might need your shirt size for something else. She doesn’t. The thing you fear most has come to fruition.
You’re now typing your actual size and telling yourself “it can’t be that bad. It’ll end up being Stranger Things or a sports team I’m vaguely familiar with.” STOP. Need I remind you this is the same woman who gave Jake an inflatable poop pool ball last year? Did you just love watching your little cousin bounce a poop the size of the big stone balls outside a Target all over the house all weekend?
I didn’t think so.
So, what are our options? We need to evaluate and be careful. One wrong move and you’re getting a shirt that says “bird watcher” with a picture of a sexy stripper bird dancing on a pole that is somehow scarier if it wasn’t made by AI.
You have one move. It’s not pretty, but it’ll work. Start thinking of who in your life you don’t have a gift for yet that you don’t care very much about. this could be someone at your work, or, in an ideal scenario, the least funny member of your friend group.
Now, and this part is important, text that person and ask for their shirt size.