The Muse has been around for a long time. No one knows exactly how long. We do know that the Muse was there when early humans discovered fire. Unfortunately, its first use was not to keep warm or cook nourishment, it was for entertainment. They lighted their farts for fun. The Muse was not amused. From that moments, the Muse pledged to be inspirational only when discoveries were used with intelligence. The Muse’s resume has since reflected that pledge.
Chronologically, the Muse was present during the building of Stonehenge between 1600 and 3100 BC. Most historians thought that it was some type of religious monument. But the Muse knew that it was a forerunner to Legos, teaching early children about shapes and how they affected construction.
The Muse was there in 1891 when Dr. James Naismith invented basketball. The Dr. had just purchased a watermelon that turned out to be rotten. So he tossed it into a peach basket that he used for trash. A mental lightbulb went off. Naismith mounted the peach basket on a pole about six feet above ground and was able to toss a watermelon through the hoop. Unfortunately, his assistant was standing below and was killed by the heavy pitted fruit. With the Muse on hand, Naismith decided to use an enlarged soccer ball instead of a watermelon.
Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, December 17, 1903. Yup, there was the Muse, having inspired Wilbur and Orville Wright by making paper airplanes because he couldn’t sleep. The Muse not only had insomnia but was there when it was first termed by Henry Cockeram in 1623
In 1967 England, the Muse was there when John Lennon started composing a song based on contemporary newspaper articles. Paul McCartney arrived at the house with a musical idea filled with tales of his younger years, riding the bus, drinking tea, combing his hair and smoking. Something told them to combine the songs into one. It became the benchmark hit “A Day In The Life”. On that particular day, John and Paul considered the Muse the third Beatle.
The Muse’s inspirational appearances go on and on throughout history with few regrets. The worst was when the Muse inspired Adolf Hitler, who was a god-awful artist, to give up painting and find a new calling.
And now, in the 21st century, the Muse has decided to retire. Why? The Muse regards the advent of technology as a setback for the human race that brings them full circle to the time of the usage of fire to light farts. Homo Sapiens, the largest-brained species on earth, have succumbed to a small, hand-held artificially-intelligent tech rectangle that had made us into their robots. To the extent that it has caused massive stupidity and complacency in deciding who is running their lives. Lighting farts, shiny objects, same shit, different millennia.
The Muse can be reached at his beachfront condo in Miami and will grant interviews, but muses that they’d better happen quickly because in a few short decades, Miami will be underwater. The Muse stresses that he absolutely did not inspire global warming.
