Doctor Abernathy studied the chart, realizing his day would be stressful. The EKG revealed Mrs. Durn had a slightly irregular heartbeat, devastating news for any coffee lover. Doctor Abernathy hated upsetting his patients. Maybe he wouldn’t mention the irregular heartbeat this visit? After all, it was only a tick above normal, and she’d be back next month for a checkup. He closed Mrs. Durn’s chart, grabbed the chart for his next patient, and down the hall he went.
Doctor Abernathy knocked before entering the examination room. On the table sat the most muscular person he’d ever seen, his giant chest and arms straining his t-shirt. The thought occurred to Doctor Abernathy immediately—those muscles couldn’t be natural.
A flicker of movement caught Doctor Abernathy’s eye. For the first time, he noticed the small elephant seated on its hind legs in the corner of the examination room.
“Sorry about her,” the patient said. “My wife had work, and we couldn’t find a sitter.”
Doctor Abernathy said no problem. “Mr.—let’s see here—Mr. Paul. What brings you in today?”
“Just a routine physical.”
“Nothing out of the ordinary?”
“Nope.”
The elephant made a trumpet sound with its trunk.
Mr. Paul said, “Knock it off.”
Doctor Abernathy worried about how to bring it up. He didn’t want to insult Mr. Paul. Most patients shut down after that. Doctor Abernathy started the physical by checking the lungs, the ears, the throat. Finally, he saw an opportunity. “How’s your diet?” he asked.
“Clean. Nothing processed.”
“Exercise?”
“Weights, mostly. I’m a body builder.”
Alarms sounded in Doctor Abernathy’s head. “Do you use anything to…enhance your size?”
“You mean like a personal trainer? No.”
The elephant made another trumpet sound.
Mr. Paul said, “Penelope, I swear.”
“Do you drink alcohol?”
“Never.”
“How about drugs?”
Before responding, Mr. Paul turned his veiny neck to face the elephant. “No drugs.”
“You mentioned being married. How’s that going?”
“Amazing. Julia’s my best friend.”
“What does your wife think about…this?”
“About the elephant? She loves Penelope. They play Wordle together.”
“No. What does your wife think about…your body building career?”
“Competing is the only thing I’m good at. And as long as it pays the bills, Julia’s cool.”
“Sounds like a lot of pressure.”
“I handle it okay.”
Penelope let out a sarcastic whistle from her trunk. The noise reminded Mr. Paul of something. He said, “Doc, I got a question. Can humans and elephants use the same size needles?”
“Same size needles?”
“Yeah. Every morning I use a small syringe to inject myself with…special vitamins. Penelope needs an antibiotic, and I lost the elephant syringe the vet gave us. I figured using my human needles would save money.”
“Elephants have thicker skin than humans. They need bigger needles.”
“Oh.”
“What special vitamins are you injecting?”
“…B12.”
“You hesitated.”
“No I didn’t.”
A silence settled over the room. Doctor Abernathy saw a fork in the road. Either he went along with Mr. Paul, or he spoke his mind. Doctor Abernathy didn’t want to offend Mr. Paul on his first visit. He wanted to build trust. So Doctor Abernathy said nothing.
Then there was the sound of a throat clearing. It came from the corner of the room. Penelope the elephant said, “Mr. Paul, you promised that having me here would help. Well, I’m here.”
Mr. Paul stared at the shiny floor as he spoke. “The house, your medical bills. Julia can’t pay those waiting tables. I have to keep winning competitions.”
Penelope said, “You’re scared. It’s okay. Tell the doctor what’s going on.”
Mr. Paul hesitated. “The side of my stomach keeps randomly pulsing. Penelope and I, we think it’s from my…special vitamins.”
“Steroids,” Penelope said. “Anabolic steroids.”
Doctor Abernathy’s hands dampened. Penelope’s approach made him nervous. She was so blunt. He asked, “Are you in pain?”
As if the word “pain” were a button, Mr. Paul winced, quickly grabbing his side. “Yes. Not often, but yes.”
“Lay back on the table. Does it hurt when I press here?”
Mr. Paul breathed sharply through his teeth. “Yes.”
Penelope gave Doctor Abernathy a pleading look. Slowly, he said, “If it were me, I’d go to the emergency room.”
Mr. Paul said, “Awesome. Anything else?”
“Stop injecting steroids,” Penelope said.
Mr. Paul balled his fists. “You don’t underst—”
Penelope made a loud trumpet sound, pointing her trunk at the ceiling. It surprised Doctor Abernathy. He’d never seen care like this before. His family, medical school, they taught the opposite. Penelope said, “Southern General is a mile down the road.”
Mr. Paul said, “Just what I wanted to smell today—hospital.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t help.”
“What do you know?”
“That things might be worse than you think.”
Mr. Paul stiffened on the examination table, his massive legs crinkling the tissue paper. “Stop being dramatic.”
Penelope looked at Doctor Abernathy, quiet anger on her face.
“This could be serious,” Doctor Abernathy said, a strange new fear in his voice. He absently wrote instructions on a notepad. “Give this to the nurse at the front desk. She’ll call the hospital.”
There was a sense of urgency in the way Mr. Paul hopped off the examination table. He studied the note closely while exiting the room. Penelope trudged after the body builder. Every step seemed intentional, until a thought stopped her at the door. “You need to tell patients what they need to hear,” said the elephant.
Again, Doctor Abernathy’s hands dampened. “You make it sound so easy. They’ll hate me for it.”
“Good. That means you’re doing your job.”
Doctor Abernathy watched the elephant disappear down the hallway. Around the doctor’s neck hung a stethoscope. He tugged on the ends as he thought about the rest of his day, about Mrs. Durn and her irregular heartbeat, her coffee. The fluorescent room made his forehead cold. “I should’ve been a surgeon,” said Doctor Abernathy.