The “Weathermen Along the Watchtower” Hacker Group revealed four new invasion plans getting serious play among MAGATES in Trump’s self-styled War Department. These latest revelations add to scenarios previously released by the group about prospective Greenland and Canada invasions. They follow what the American people, and a mute/moot Congress, have already witnessed with interdictions of Venezuelan fishing boats, a Brownshirt ICE storming of American cities, and a full-scale bombing campaign partnered with Israel against Iran.
1) The Netherlands
War rationale against the Netherlands, which War Department Secretary Pete “Signal Chat” Hegseth calls Dutch Land:
The glorifying of windmills, which the people of Holland and the entire Kingdom along with many decaying European neighbors celebrate, invites the scorn of POTUS and good Americans. The President asserts that trumpeting “cute little windmills” is a direct rebuke to him, disgracefully promoting alternative energy sources rather than the consumption of fossil fuels, the Great-Again-America’s black gold. He has already moved to stifle wind power off both U.S. coasts.
Mission: Like the “Man of La Mancha,” we will tilt at Netherlands’ windmills and other infrastructure to reinstate a dependence on good old fossil fuels, thus rendering the Hollandaisers not as saucy,
[Rather, with America’s help they will again be as happy as little Dutch Hans, or the old POTUS buddy JE, plugging a dike]
2) Cuba
War Rationale against Cuba: The island was once ruled by the Castro Street boys, who finally had the good fortune to die before watching a newly assertive America choke off oil shipments. Choke off, that is, until the US relented because fellow great leader Putin wanted his Russian ships to get through and convinced our great leader to let that happen.
Located 90 miles off Florida in the Gulf of America, Cuba would be a great pre-election gift to Cuban Americans (good immigrants) and Ron De Santis, who moved to name the Palm Beach Airport after POTUS even though a Democrat just flipped a Florida State House Seat there. The President, victimized by any personal betrayal, is still looking for American revenge after rewatching The Godfather, Part II and especially relating to the scene where Fredo (bad) helps lose the island for American “businessmen and players.”
Mission: Should be easy. Choke off all fuel and then wave a carrot of statehood (#53 after Greenland and Canada?) in front of the Islanders. We know how far promises like that go (wink, wink) since Cuba would be another shithole like other Caribbean places until Mar-a-Lago South and other businesses and developments could be erected.
If it’s war Cubans want, we’ll refigure the Cuban Missile Crisis as an American Missile Barrage.
[Unless, of course, Putin wants to bring Cuba into the Russian orbit]
3) Hollywood, California
War Rationale Against Hollywood: Need we explain? War objectives probably should expand to all of California and the entire Leftist Coast, but this will be a good starting point after brave ICE soldiers have cleared or scared out some of the riffraff.
Unlike Truth Social, the Hollywood studios promote wickedness, wokeness, homosexuality, anti-Americanism, anti-Christianity, anti-capitalism, anti-masculinity, anti-patriotism, and anti-Trumpism.
Mission: Take over by any means necessary all production, oversight, and content control over all movies and other media produced or still in the public domain. Many will be forbidden and destroyed. Among the exceptions, of course, would be good old All-American action movies in the tradition of John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, and Sylvester Stallone.
This campaign will come under the purvey of Homeland Security and the Commander-in-Chief who personally will get his wife the Oscar she deserves for the soon-to-be classic Melania. If she doesn’t or other resistance crops up, Hollywood will be reduced to rubble and the movie capitol moved adjacent to Mar-a-Lago. Praise Be Ronald Reagan!
[Among movie prints to be wiped off the face of the earth like misbehaving historical civilizations, our great leader has identified Being There, All the President’s Men, Doctor Strangelove, and most importantly The Manchurian Candidate]
4) Vatican City
War Rationale Against V.C: First, it might purge our shame after losing a war to a different V.C., but the real reason is ending Papal and Catholic Bishop preachings against important immigration policies and other social rulings designed to make American Great Again.
Pope Leo, clearly a loser Chicago White Sox fan, tried to school VP Vance as well as cabinet members, SCOTUS judges (including six Catholics who accede to the President rather than left-wing church teachings), and even POTUS himself, who turned his other cheek and showed Big Hat his “Doctor Jesus-side.”
Mission New Avignon Papacy: Nothing short of regime change. Overthrow the man in charge and replace him with a sainted John Paul II-like culture warrior. Vatican City, which ironically amidst all its inhabitants’ anti-wall-wailing is itself surrounded by walls to keep Romans and other bad people out, will be an easy target for Navy Seals and Airborne Rangers. Our invasion should evoke humorous online reels of battles between American might and the cutely dressed Swiss Guard defenders who won’t have a prayer.
[The follow-up in America would replace left leaning Bishops with Evangelical ministers or other righteous clerics after purging the rolls of immigrant, third-world Cardinals who vote in Papal elections. Pope Dolan sound better? Maybe Pope Antonin Scalia or Pope Clarence Thomas if POTUS wants them taking on a new gig so that he can replace either with a young MAGA for-life Supreme Courter, maybe even a Jared, Ivanka, or Barron]
