Author: Walt Braley

You can help us complete our latest tech innovation. A stunning new Death Star that will surely be the one that helps us conquer the galaxy without issue. Attention all planets of the former Galactic Republic, I represent the First Galactic Empire in this request for militaristic aid against the insurrectionist scum that have taken to calling themselves the Rebel Alliance. In case you have not received the transmissions, the interplanetary terrorists have once again blown up our space station super weapon commonly referred to as the “Death Star.” Therefore, we are looking to crowdfund enough credits to once again…

In the last week, local restaurant owner Joey Anthill has been called a number of things, including “thief,” “mistreated small business owner,” and even “not worthy of this news cycle.” Well, after some coercing and a half dozen to-go orders of ravioli, we convinced the man that is in the middle of a heated lawsuit with Italian pasta giant Olive Garden to sit down and tell us his side. WB: First, I just want to say thank you for sitting down and doing this. You’ve been in the media a lot lately, it must be nice to have an opportunity…

Please show these to your fathers, and let me know if they would believe they are real and then be proud of you.

WILMINGTON, N.C. – Local man Charles Sniffer got more than he bargained for last week when he… Okay, I can’t do this. Steve, if you’re reading this on the site, I apologize. I know you told me to fix the grammar mistakes you flagged then throw this up, but I have to go rogue with this one. I can’t wrap my head around the picture you put with this. That’s all I can think about. I couldn’t sleep last night because I was just trying to unravel this photo. Let’s start with what I know. I know the way you…

I am not a fool. I know that a lot of you think I did it. Despite overwhelming evidence proving me innocent in a court of law (the Yellow gloves found in the conservatory did not fit, I’ll remind you), so many out there still believe I murdered Mr. Boddy on that fateful night in that horrid mansion. All because Mrs. Peacock, who we should remember is not an officer of the law, said that I did it… and arguably because I eventually fled the scene and ended up in a small chase on my trusty horse, Bronco. Well, let…

‘Scuse me, cowpoke. I haven’t seen you around here before. I’m the sheriff of this here town you’ve stopped in. I’ve seen your type before. Black coat, black boots, black hat. All black except that shiny silver six shooter hanging on the hip there. I bet yer thinkin’ this whole saloon hushed and whispered when your spurs came through that swingin’ door because we all know you’re one bad outlaw. Well, think again and then think it through a third time, it was actually because according to code 6-7a set by the town fire marshall, having over twenty-five people inside…

Back in May of 2024, we sent a shockwave through the entire world of internet humor when we debuted our completely original character that isn’t based on anything, Legally Nondescript Paperclip Holder. In the months since, the article has received dozens of views, leading us to believe we need to spend somewhere in the ballpark of $4,000 to hire a team of writers and artists to give him his own comic book. In fact, we believe this so much, that we already did it, and even went over-budget! It’s all going to be worth it in the end as we…

Well, it looks like the foolish hitmen that tried to take me out are going to get away with this one. Those rascals normally would have made the biggest, and final, mistake of their lives trying to take out me, a retired merchant of death with 200 confirmed assassinations and a really cool and convoluted backstory, but their going to get away scot-free. See, I left this violent world behind years ago, vowing to never go back. Why’d I do it? Love, but that’s a different story for another time. What’s important is that when I retired, I did what…

Walt and Seth use their analytical minds to do a comprehensive breakdown of Groundhog Day.

Enough! Babies, where do you get off? you don’t get to hog everything! Look, just because you’re a baby, that doesn’t mean the whole world has to stop what they’re doing to give you everything you want. No one else is going to say it. Everyone is thinking it, but they’re all going to remain silent and just continue letting you run rampant over their lives. Well not me. I’m here to finally put it out there. Just because you’re small, adorable, and will ultimately die without our constant supervision, you don’t get to have a monopoly on awesome stunts. …