You probably didn’t recognize me because of wig and foreign accent. I am sensual and exotic trained hitwoman. My character is unlike anything you see before in male-dominated action film. More violence! More sex! More explosions! Forget Bond, Tom Cruise, and Christmas movie with Bruce Willis. This will be motion picture awakening for ze ages. I am Svetlana, and I am lethal. I sit here alone and innocent at bar with my blood red lipstick and Smirnoff vodka. Cyanide pills in my purse. Just a regular espionage night out. My skin sees no battle scars; it is flawless like untouched…
Author: Sloane Kenivan
Sloane Kenivan
Sloane Kenivan is a humor writer and 2x pizza eating champion. She currently resides in Washington, D.C. where she is plotting to steal her friends' Netflix passwords and the Declaration of Independence. Follow her evil schemes on Twitter at @sloanewrites.
A fulfilling hobby A sense of humor Emotional stability Bigfoot A winning lottery ticket Our dear Lord and Savior Jesus Christ That matching sock that bothers you every time you do laundry Narnia Financial independence A government official with common sense Nirvana Love in a hopeless place A lucky penny Some dignity Nemo A job that doesn’t make you cry in the bathroom The decomposed egg you never found last year A backbone A life Yourself
1. Pale Moonlight 2. Not Just a Pretty Face 3. Softer Than Satin 4. Blue Velvet 5. No Room for the Blues 6. Scarlett O’Hara 7. Shades of Cool 8. Deadly Nightshade 9. Big Spender 10. Old Money 11. Trophy Wife 12. Burning Desire 13. Black Beauty 14. Degenerate Beauty Queens 15. Mercury in Retrograde 16. The Blackest Day 17. Dark Paradise 18. Russian Roulette 19. Democracy Dies in Darkness Lana Del Rey Lyrics: 1, 3, 4, 7, 8, 10, 12, 13, 14, 16, 17 Nail Polish Colors: 2, 5, 6, 11, 15, 18 Both: 9 Neither: 19 …
Best Supporting Actress Who Is Capable of Playing More Than the Fragile Female Love Interest Only Animated Feature Film Where Two Parents Are Alive Best Original Screenplay That Should Have Been Nominated for More Awards But Was Snubbed Because of Systemic Racism We’re Literally Giving This Award to Whoever Is Hosting Because They Have to Be Better Than James Franco – You’re Doing Great, Sweetie! Foreign Language Film From the Country We Have the Fewest Distressing Political Tensions With Best Actress in a…Wait, Never Mind – We’re Just Going to Give This to Sarah Paulson Now for Whatever She’s Doing…