Author: The Robot Butt Staff

Halloween is that sweet time of year when you can go trick-or-treating, dress up in kooky costumes and party with some friends. But there are always ways to make your Halloween even more spooktacular, so we’ve put together this ghoulishly good list of tips and tricks for having a chillingly fun time. When going to a Halloween party, find out if the host has lost anyone recently, and then dress up as that person for your costume. Don’t dress up as a house – street youths will toilet paper and egg you. Don’t carve pumpkins when you’re lonely; the face will…

The world is full of sick, demented freaks. Just look at a few of the most recent monsters we’ve come across: “I was at the coffee shop one morning and I saw a quarter fall out of a woman’s hand. I picked it up and kept it for myself. Later, she came back looking for it and I said nothing.” – Richard, Texas “I brush my teeth with warm water.” – Julia, Massachusetts “A friend once asked if I could pick him up from the airport. I politely said no, citing a big workload that I could not…

A few days ago, we received this previously unpublished, and frankly astonishing, account of the origin of the song “Monster Mash” from the estate of Bobby Pickett. We felt it had to be shared. What Really Happened By Bobby Pickett Most people don’t know this, but when I wrote “Monster Mash” I wasn’t trying to make a perennial Halloween hit. I was trying to share a real-life supernatural event that happened to me. I was still in college at the time, taking an advanced anatomy course. Well, one night I had to stay late in the lab to finish some…

Can you believe that Miranda Kerr is actually a supermodel? She is a monster in every sense of the word – not just physically, but emotionally as well. And yet, we’ve allowed her to infiltrate the sacred world of modeling and poison our idea of true beauty. Up until now, no one has been brave enough to expose her for what she is, but we’re finally taking a stand. Don’t believe us? The amount of evidence is staggering: 1) This disgusting crease in her left wrist will make you want to vomit. And look at that provocative pose, trying to seduce…

You open your eyes and you’re on a desolate moor. Fog rolls over the hills like the blood coming down the halls from the elevator in that one scene from The Shining. You hear a scream that sounds like it may have come from another dimension, hell, another planet, or something else entirely. You’re scared. Blink, and now you’re lying in a graveyard that looks like it hasn’t seen foot traffic since the first release of Night of the Living Dead. Of course there’s a full moon hanging dangerously low in the sky. A noise hits you from around a…

With Monica Lewinsky on Twitter, we took a look at ten other ’90s hits that could use a modern update. 1. Save time at the store by already knowing what you’re going to buy. Check out the new Fresh Prince of Bel-Air wardrobe app! Instantly add your favorite Fresh Prince outfits to a picture of you and know right away if you’re a Carlton or a Will. 2. Don’t wait a minute too long with the new Creepy Crawlers Countdown app. It lets you know exactly when your creepy crawlers are done setting so you don’t miss a minute of fun!…

Cry, foe! Run amok! Fa awry! My wand won’t tolerate this nonsense.— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) October 6, 2014 Harry Potter fans far and wide had their panties in a knot over J.K. Rowling’s recent riddle tweet. Could this be an allusion to her upcoming film? Is it the secret key to figuring out why Hermione went for Ron over Harry? Is J.K. just once again milking that succulent HP teat? Not long after the tweet was sent out, Rowling confirmed that one HP nerd got it right. Apparently the answer to the anagram riddle was, “Newt only meant to stay in…

Here at Robot Butt, we take our sports seriously, just like how we take everything else seriously. There is no time for lighthearted tomfoolery in our cold, cruel world. Anyway, the arrival of October can only mean one thing (no, not pumpkins and beautiful fall weather): the Major League Baseball playoffs! We’re ready to watch the most action-packed game get even more action-packed, so to celebrate, here are just a few of the things we’re looking forward to most this postseason: 1) The return of Ten-Cent Beer Night and a suspicious lack of security. 2) The relieving absence of Derek Jeter. 3)…

Every single movie could stand to be improved from the inclusion of pizza. But there are some especially cringe-inducing absences of everyone’s favorite food in film history. And to think, some movies that originally contained pizza scenes GOT RID OF THEM. Today, we’re pointing out 20 of the most horrendous, impossible-to-ignore examples with the hope that one day, Hollywood will hear our collective voice and right these painful wrongs. The movie Glory originally focused on the statewide Pizza Championship in Glory, Indiana, but was altered to a Civil War film in editing. The Lady and the Tramp’s famous spaghetti scene was originally of the two…

For Pizza Week, our dedicated team of historians have been working around the clock for months to discover what may be the four most important instances of pizza in history. These photos, never seen before, show for sure that pizza has played a bigger role in human culture and development than perhaps anything else. 1. Mao Zedong’s Pizza Party Revolution 2. Pizza is delivered to the moon for the first time. 3.  A conveniently located pizza shop refreshes hungry troops and turns the tide of World War II. 4. The promise of pizza delivery, not previously available under English rule,…