Whether you’re a contractor or a home-repair specialist, people who install faucets have known since our founding in 1956 that they can trust Moen. In your kitchen, bathroom, or home studio, you’ve counted on us to supply you with elegant solutions for shooting water out of the pipes in your walls whenever you want. However, what if there was more?
That’s why we’ve put A.I. in your faucets. Yes, that A.I.
To many, a SmartFaucet seems unnecessary. For instance, one contrarian customer wrote on our website: “I just want to turn it on and water comes out. One side hot, one side cold. Job done.”
Respectfully, our C-suite at Moen disagrees with this dumb luddite bastard. Everyone who is anyone knows that if you don’t want to be left behind, you must shoehorn A.I. into everything. In that spirit, take a gander at the useful things you can do with the features in our new SmartFaucet.
Hotness Indicator. You don’t have to touch it anymore with your meat-sack fingers to see if the water is warm enough. Instead the faucet will tell you in a deepfake voice of Morgan Freeman. It only gets better from here!
Leaderboards. Want to see how you stack up against other Moen SmartFaucet users? Our faucet s̶u̶r̶v̶e̶i̶l̶s̶ y̶o̶u̶ monitors your water usage, so you can see who is using the most in your neighborhood.
SupriseMe Mode. You don’t always know what you want, so why not roll the dice? You could get hot water, cold water, or pepper spray! Only for the truly adventurous.
Hotness Indicator. Sure, same name as before, but this time it uses the camera in the front of the faucet to tell you if you’re ugly. It will also generate a nude picture of you without consent and post it on X.
Email Summaries. Your family and friends are boring, but our faucets are not. They’ll summarize any emails you get, so you don’t have to know how to read anymore, and you can focus on what’s important, running the water.
Still Streaming? Like Netflix, sometimes people start a stream but end up having sex (we think). This is wasteful, so our SmartFaucet checks to see if you’re still there.
Palmistry. Using a second built-in camera, the faucet will look at your hand while you wash and tell you when you’re going to die.
AI Agents. Having a party but don’t want to figure out how many pizzas to order? Have our faucet snap a picture of the people at the party, so you don’t have to know how to count anymore. Then, it might order the pizza if it works.
Anti-Woke Mode. Takes the fluoride out and puts the stuff that’ll give you cholera back in. Just like the good ‘ole days.