Our revered POTUS trumpets, “I want a baby boom.” Relax, Melania, already father of all real Americans, he was talking about the U.S.A. as a country.
Friend of Trump and Pronatalist activist Simone Collins and her husband proposed this past week that a National Medal of Motherhood Medals be initiated for married mothers who bear six children.
I’m excited and working hard to get my corresponding MOFO Medal.
This ancillary men’s award some males in the President’s Circle floated would complement my MAGA hat. It could replace the Congressional Medal of Freedom Medal, deemed moot.
An important caveat demands that Motherhood and MOFO recipients prove citizenship “as the administration defines it.”
The two medals align with a proposed outright $5000 gift to parents for every birth sanctified by a married couple.
Couples would be eligible for these baby bonuses if they have a combined annual income of $100K plus. No welfare baby mommas need apply.
The decelerating American birthrate, down significantly since 2007 and dwarfed by birthrates of teeming African and Asian countries, scares the bejesus out of all of us true patriots.
The MOFO Medal that I will score after I figure how to earn an annual income in six figures or marry somebody who does, goes to stand up American men who have produced at least five children in their nuclear family.
The male equivalent award was modified to stipulate five children rather than six when our revered President was heard to ejaculate, “I want one; I want one; I want one! After all, who’s your daddy?”
His known nuclear family consists of five blessed children, begotten with his trifecta of wives.
MOFO Medals, with a depiction of the President on one side and the Roman fertility god Bacchus on the other, will be worth their weight in rare metals, procured through tariffs from easily duped third world countries.
Besides the $5K bonus suitable couples earn for live births, proposals would gift MOFOs to-be with a year’s supply of lubricant and a subscription to Pornhub to “keep the juices” flowing. Even the DOGE God, Elon Musk, sees this as an appropriate governmental expense.
The Heritage Foundation will also gift suitable patriotic women access to fertility courses, available through the soon to be free-of-other-responsibilities Department of Education.
The President has clearly surrounded himself with MOFOs.
Even VP Vance, with only three siblings, has earned honorary MOFO designation for his “childless cat lady” putdown mantra during the A-team’s climb back into the governance saddle.
Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy, his own baseball team’s DH with nine offspring, is surely a MOFO role model. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth might get some of his signals crossed, but not in his MOFO bedroom. He has seven children and clearly is on the same Channel as his spouse. Then there’s good old DOGEy Elon, who hasn’t married all his female receptacles, but lavishes money on them to ensure that his alleged 14+ kids will not cost the government for which he stands. With neat cars and rockets, he is one super MOFO, even if one offspring is transgender.
Writing in the Fake News York Times, Caroline Kitchener, who clearly hasn’t responded to her stay-at-home-mom last name’s imperative, inserts her opinion: “The desire to increase funds to help mothers and babies could collide with other administration priorities.” She pinpoints the Department of Reproductive Health getting stripped of personnel under the auspices of rock star RFK Jr., who himself has six young Kennedys. How could she question him or POTUS?
Vanity Fair reporter Issie (the Big?) Lapowsky chides the administration’s thrust sarcastically suggesting these proposals have been fashioned mostly for white people. She avers studies focused on women have been minimized by the President’s phasing out DEI (which she might erroneously taunt him being reimaged as discrimination, exclusivity, and injustice). The nerve!
Haters aside, when I find a suitable breeding wife, I’ll strive for MOFO Medal status, emulating our MOFO-in-Chief’s moral direction.
