Welcome to Tubi Tuesday. An ongoing experiment where we dig into some of the weird, underrated, and downright abysmal movies we don’t think our real life friends would let us talk at length about. At the time of writing, this movie is streaming for free on Tubi, the home of Super Bowl LIX!
Directed By: Dracula, probably
Starring: “actors”
Screenplay By: gas leaks
For Fans Of: Dark Souls Mimics
Thing I Find Funny: This article isn’t about Dracula 3000.
Originally, this article was going to be about The Batman Vs. Dracula (2005). I am beyond positive I originally watched it on Tubi, but would you believe that despite having the entire series of The Batman and having literally two completely separate movies titled Dracula: The True Story, it’s not currently on there?
I wanted to do a piece about public domain characters as IP and crossover films of varying concept levels. I was going to mention how if you search “Batman” on Tubi one of the Popeye slasher movies is like the 5th result, and I was going to mention how the character Batman will be public domain in like ten years.
The bulk of the article would have been riffing Batman slasher movie ideas and maybe some dumb crossovers. You get it. Instead, I guess we have to talk about the first Dracula movie to come up in the search results that I have seen and have a strong opinion on. My opinion being that it sucks!
In the year 3000, the salvage spaceship Mother III happens upon the derelict transport Demeter. Captain Van Helsing and his crew board the abandoned ship…
Doesn’t that sound awesome? The abandoned ship is named Demeter. How is this not the best movie ever made?
Unfortunately, Dracula 3000 falls into a category many thought didn’t exist… bad movie that even Walt doesn’t like. It’s boring, it’s uninspired, and it does nearly nothing with its premise. The movie is ultimately a traditional bad gothic vampire romp that seems to not know it’s set in space.
It falls into another category that is far more important in relation to what we do here. Movies with a monster on their poster or key art that is definitely not in the actual movie. Tubi explorers will find that this genre is a fully and conniving one.
Someone please make that movie! Look at that! It looks like a Dracula you would have to kill by hacking into his mainframe and installing garlic.exe into his source code. Has there been a robot Dracula movie? Apparently there’s one coming out later this year, which feels way too late!
I’m so mad. If someone would have told me sooner I would have taken one for the team and made the “Dracula is a computer virus that can only be stopped by downloading sunlight” movie on my iPad. I had no idea we didn’t have one already.
I mean, it doesn’t even have to be Dracula. That poster could be any robot vampire. Someone NEEDS to make a movie called “Robovampire!”
Don’t you agree?
Yes?
You do?
You idiots. You fell for it! It already exists! I’m the guy behind Tubi Tuesday, did you really think I don’t know about Robovampire? That’s right baby, it’s real and it’s a Chinese action movie with Robocop in the jungle.
“Wait, that looks sick, what’s that movie about?”
Nice try! There are at least three more Tuesdays in 2026 and you know I’m already planning on reusing those photos I just pulled. If you want to know what’s going on in Robovampire you’ll just have to check our site on Tuesday, July 7th, or some other Tuesday if I forget I just teased that one.
Alright fine, here are some final thoughts on the actual movie. I like SyFy original stuff and I genuinely like the unrelated Dracula 2000. Which is why you can trust me when I implore you to skip Dracula 3000, or if you simply must watch it, then watch it with my friend Joe like I did. I think it would make it a better experience and I think it’d be funny for him to have to watch it again.
I’ll post his actual phone number in the comments below.