Love your lover! Love that for you. But just in case they’re new, pay attention to a thing or two.
- A red flag is hard to see when its pole is the perfect length and width.
- When you get that good morning text not directly addressed to you, remember, lots of women are nicknamed “baby” – same with lots of dudes.
- Look at his shoes, not for size, but for soil. Do you really want someone who doesn’t Lysol grass stains off his white sneakers? Do you really think he’ll be able to adequately wash caked-up marinara sauce off your dishes?
- Check his watch. If it’s digital and he’s a millennial or Gen Z, he may have never been taught how to tell time.
- Nowadays, people want to put labels on everything. Careful of those who say, “That person? That’s merely my friend I married. I’m still on for our date tonight.”
- Remember when a fat wallet equaled a fat salary? Today it may mean your love interest doesn’t have Venmo, PayPal, Cash App, Zelle, or Apple Pay. Do you sincerely want to woo an anachronistic relic stuck in 2014?
- Check her social media. Thirty-six stories in one afternoon? This may be a lady with an Instagram addiction who’ll post photos of every salad you eat, each drink you drink, during each and every date of yours she’s livestreaming.
- Did they post themselves wearing a jogging outfit exhibiting a large white rectangle housing an ostentatious black number on their Hinge profile? Take caution: this may be someone who wakes up at 4 a.m. to run marathons the day after Thanksgiving.
- A green flag is easy to spot if you’re wearing your glasses and/or contacts. Don’t forget them, or if you’re financially and physically able, get LASIK.
- Have the greatest, gladdest, most romantically enchanted date night! And if you don’t, don’t fret: your dog/cat/fish/ferret/parrot/pet ladybug/TV/coffee mug/weighted blanket is patiently awaiting your arrival back home, beseeching you to hug your truest love who’s committed to never leaving your side, through sickness and in health, through joy and triumph, through political scandals and salacious news stories, taxes and laundry, aging and possible plastic surgery – you. It’s you! You’re your forever partner. Look in the mirror and kiss the glass!