I love Halloween, guys. I’ve always loved the spookier aspects of storytelling, ever since I was a kid reading Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark and every collection of “true” stories of ghost sightings and chupacabras the school library had. Give me the scariest shit you’ve got, I would tell the librarian, as if she were some kind of emotion dealer. She thought I was very weird.
Halloween gives me carte blanche to indulge in my love of the weird and twisted without sticking out. “Let’s watch horror movies!” isn’t considered a great suggestion during Easter, but no one will question it in October. Even better, no one questions it even in MARATHON FORM.
So let’s do it. Here is a playlist for a twelve-hour Halloween movie marathon, my picks for a night of candy, popcorn, and the kind of fun you only get jumping out of/squirming in your seat (no premarital sex though, we don’t want to find ourselves in a slasher movie).
A couple notes. Horror is obviously subjective, so my goal was not to make a list of what I think are the scariest movies ever. This list is meant more to cover a broad range of scares that has a little something for everyone.
Second, I intentionally steered away from the classics, and focused on more contemporary movies. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is great, but but we all know it by now. These movies aren’t necessarily flying under the radar (though some are), but they are ones that don’t typically get mentioned the way Halloween and The Babadook do.
Right. Ready? Down that can of Red Bull and let’s do this.
7 p.m.: Bob’s Burgers, “Full Bars”(Season 4, Episode 2)
Yeah, this isn’t even remotely scary but hear me out. Bob’s Burgers really excels at their holiday episodes, particularly their Halloween ones. “Full Bars” taps into the joyous rush of trick-or-treating as a kid, and it’s a nice way to get into the holiday spirit and ease into the rest of the night. The calm before the storm.
7:30 p.m.: Trick ‘r Treat (2007)
Keeping up the notion of getting into the holiday spirit, Trick ‘r Treat is perfect for the early goings of the marathon. This Halloween-themed anthology oozes with seasonal imagery, with jack-o-lanterns and ghost children still in costume. What’s more, this is a rare anthology that is solid all the way through, avoiding any outright duds and even adding some humor to help everything go down.
9 p.m.: The Invitation (2015)
Before we get too late into the evening, it’s a good time for a dinner party. The Invitation eschews the supernatural, but finds something that can be just as terrifying on which to build its premise: having to deal with your ex in a social setting. This slow burn of a thriller masterfully ratchets up the tension, as it gradually morphs from awkward, cringe-inducing character interactions to the terrifying end planned for the guests’ evening. This is one that really benefits from knowing as little as possible and just watching it all unfold.
10:45 p.m.: Hush (2016)
Time to turn the paranoia up a notch. Now that it’s getting later and you’re all hunkering down, it’s a good time for a home invasion flick. Hush adds a novel wrinkle to the premise, however; the victim is deaf. This allows for the movie to create tension on two fronts, as it not only lets the viewer see things that our protagonist can’t, but also hear things she can’t. And lest you think the movie is nothing more than its gimmick, it was made by Mike Flanagan, currently riding high off the success of The Haunting of Hill House. This guy is one of this generation’s sharpest horror filmmakers, and Hush is a great example why.
12 a.m.: The Witch (2015)
What better way to ring in the witching hour? The Witch is frightening in a number of ways, from the actual scares the movie offers up to the undercurrent of religious extremism and paranoia. The movie never directly implies that forces of evil might all be in the minds of the devout family, but it leaves enough to engage the audience and get them thinking about the various faces evil can take, and if there is a preferable difference between them.
1:30 a.m.: Break!
Okay, now’s a good time to restock on drinks and snacks and get a potty break in. Get some hot cocoa going. Maybe discuss The Witch because, seriously, there is a lot you can unpack with that one.
2 a.m.: Hell House LLC (2015)
I know it’s fashionable to hate on found footage movies, but I dig them. And Hell House LLC is better than most, mostly due to having a genuinely fun hook: a haunted house that turns out to actually be haunted, causing the deaths of customers on its opening night. The film is largely done as an investigative piece on that night, with footage of the setup of the haunted house supplemented with present-day interviews. It’s a fun take on the genre, and has some genuinely creepy visuals that will fit right in with the holiday.
3:30 a.m.: The Nightmare (2015)
Now we’re getting to the point where people will start nodding off. A good way to stave off sleep is to point out how terrifying it can be. Enter The Nightmare. I’ve talked about this movie before, and while it isn’t a horror movie per se, it is an incredibly well-done documentary about sleep paralysis that packs in just as many terrifying visuals and jump scares as any traditional horror movie. And the notion that it’s all (in a sense) real will help keep you from dream land for the final stretch.
5 a.m.: Krampus (2015)
Whether we like it or not, retailers and annoying people are already celebrating Christmas. Fucking Christmas people (you know who you are Nicole). With the passing of Halloween there is nothing left to stop the yule-tidal wave from washing over everything, so we might as transition as gracefully as we can. Krampus is a Christmas movie with a dark streak, starting with the familial tensions common to the holiday and adding the Antisanta to further terrorize them. The terrifyingly fantastic practical effects will help the passing of the best holiday go down a little easier.