Sex Tip: Touch His Dick to Make Him Go WILD in Bed

Couple in Bed

Get ready to send your man into hyperdrive! Whether you’re rewarding him for doing something around the house or simply want to spice things up, we’ve got a bold new move that will drive him out of his mind with lust and make him go certifiably insane with pleasure.

“If you really want to violently catapult him over the edge of sexual intoxication, try touching his dick,” says Dr. Carol Coseta, a sex therapist in New York City. “We’re not quite sure what the science is behind it, but we do know that when his dick is touched, he’ll find it so intensely stimulating that he will permanently lose his vision.”

It’s best if you start things off slow, by touching his dick with your hands. Work up to using your hands to touch his dick. Put your hand on his dick and leave it there. If you’re doing it right, his dick should be touching your hand in some way. Make him think that he’s being raptured up to some kind of freaky wet sex heaven by tapping his dick gently as if you were typing, drumming your fingers on it like a bored librarian, or simply holding it like you would a Hot Pocket. If these don’t make his pubes totally melt with desire, nothing will.

For all you downright filthy, sex-crazed, varsity-level pervs out there, we’ve got one more take on this cosmically orgasmic maneuver that will literally shatter his eardrums with erotic ecstasy. Touch his dick as if it were a hot object, like a tea kettle. A tea kettle that’s been off the burner for a little bit, so you’re not sure how hot it is. You kind of want another cup of tea, but you need to know if you should put the kettle back on the burner, or if it’s hot enough as it is. In order to test the kettle’s temperature, you do that thing where you put your fingers on the kettle, and then quickly remove your fingers so you don’t burn them. You realize the kettle is not super hot, so you put your fingers on it again, for a little longer this time. Actually, now that your fingers have been on the kettle for a second, it does feel pretty hot, so you take your fingers off again. Do that thing, only don’t touch a kettle, touch his dick. Repeat this motion until he’s lost all grasp on any known language and can only speak in tongues.

If that seems too intense for you or your man, you can tone it down! Sex is all about having fun and feeling good, so if you’re not into touching his dick, no worries! You can always take a back scratcher, or a stick you found outside, and use it to scrape at his dick while you stand on the other side of the room. While not quite as intense or gratifying as the depraved fuckfest we mentioned above, you two can still try to make this version work, and maybe something cool will happen!

There’s nothing cheekier than trying out a sexy new move. Give this one a try next time you want to give him a one-way ticket to a pleasure town that’s about to get fuckin’ nuked by an atomic bomb. Incapacitate your man for a few minutes or maybe the rest of his life (depending on how good you are at touching his dick) by touching his dick! He can thank us later.



Adrienne Teeley

Author: Adrienne Teeley

Adrienne is a writer and comedian living in Chicago. She is half of the writing duo Not Your Mother's Baby.

Share This Post On