“The family farm used to be the backbone of this country, but now I tip my hat to all that parquet flooring and the golden chandeliers.” – Norm G., grower, Iowa
“I hope his next move is to tear down the local VA hospital and put up a cotillion.” – Mel H., disabled veteran, Texas
“Our benefits are ending but have you seen those architectural drawings?” – Rosie B., trad wife, Idaho
“Just sold my kids’ guns to buy ’em all dance shoes!” – Jenny T., manicurist, Missouri
“During the government shutdown, I wrote a time-travel novel where all the former presidents form an orchestra to perform at the grand opening.” – Gary S., federal employee, Virginia
“We were hoping our son would be able to go to college, but maybe learning to be a dance instructor could be an option.” – Lula P., cook, Ohio
“The American president is a genius to invest in infrastructure at home rather than buying up worthless property abroad.” – Aaju J., shepherd, Greenland
“I had to quit my job because the day care closed due to deportations, so things are a little tough right now, but isn’t the new ballroom MAGA-nificent?” – Cathy G., former sales associate, Kentucky
“If a ball room means a room big enough for the Marlins to hold spring training, I’m all for it.” – Pete K., retiree, Florida
“We both work two jobs and can’t seem to get any closer to buying a place of our own, but George Washington loved to waltz, so we’re feeling tons more patriotic.” – Will and Terry D., hotel and casino workers, Nevada
“Please join me in beseeching Almighty God to protect this holy ballroom from salsa and all other third-world devil dances.” – Jason L., Baptist minister, Georgia
“So stoked about the ballsy new ballroom I hardly ever think about the Epstein files anymore!” – Thad R.; influencer/podcaster, North Carolina
