It’s summertime, which means more bombings over Iran, duh, but also visits to American amusement parks! The beating heart of the kiddie industrial-entertainment complex is of course Disney, which has been sticking its pirate hook into our wallets and purses for over a century. Of course, Disney has to update their parks from time to time — I mean, the “WEDWAY People-Mover” is just an airport moving walkway, been there, done that. So it’s time to hit the WaltBack Machine and take a look at the old attractions and rides that Disney had to eliminate over the years.
- The Kindly Old Confederate General’s Walk Through History
- The Family of Tomorrow (sponsored by Studebaker)
- Cinderella’s First Kiss & Feel (for ages 8 to 14)
- The Schizophrenic Hatter
- Carpeted Vans Full of Candy (kiddie ride)
- The Haunted Orphanage
- Nations We’re Better Than!
- Becky Thatcher Finds Hair Down There (for ages 8 to 14)
- Computers: Our 8-Ton Friends
- Rocketship to Space (sponsored by Pall Mall cigarettes)
- The Opossum Family Jamboree
- The Hall of HUD Secretaries
- Mickey, Minnie & Friends (sponsored by Orkin exterminators)
- Escalator to Heaven
- Hysterectomy Falls