From: Bosco.Roberts@AvoidLife.com
To: MarvinUlyssessFelds4563@gmail.com
Subject line: Avoid things without the guilt and grief
Dear Marvin,
Do you have things you’ve been avoiding? Unpleasant conversations? Tedious tasks? The endless grind of adulting?
All that avoidance can pile up, causing guilt, regret, and an impressive array of health issues – from nagging ulcers and indigestion to full-blown existential dread requiring involuntary hospitalization (trust us, we’ve seen it all).
But what if you could avoid it all guilt-free?
Think that’s just wishful thinking?
Well, you’re wrong.
Imagine living a life where you can avoid everything you don’t want to deal with – all guilt-free.
How?
Stop avoiding things on your own and leave it to the professionals.
Let us do the avoiding for you!
My name is Bosco Roberts. I’m the Founder and CEO of AvoidLifeTM and for the last 12 years, my team and I have helped over 20,000 satisfied housewives, procrastinating professionals, and perpetual adolescents successfully avoid the things they just don’t want to deal with.
If you’ve been avoiding adulting, we want to be your trusted partner. Our professional avoidance specialists will put off whatever you’ve been putting off so you don’t have to suffer the guilt or grief that comes with shirking the obligations of adulthood.
With over 432 years of combined experience avoiding things, we’re here to make your life avoidance-free!
What can we avoid for you?
Our avoidance skills cover everything. You name it, we’ve avoided it.
Difficult Conversations…
- Sidestep the “Are you having an affair?” question with finesse.
- Let us gently avoid telling an employee he needs a shower.
- Easily bypass that troublesome deposition.
Troublesome Tasks…
- Wash away doing the dishes.
- Push off teaching Johnny to ride a bike until next year.
- Never have to worry about an oil change again.
Obligations of Any Kind…
- Let your last visit to your in-laws truly be your last.
- We’ll help that stack of unopened bills grow even higher.
- Say goodbye to IRS filings – forever!
And much more! All handled with complete confidentiality by your personal AvoidLifeTM avoider.
What our Customers Say
“Thanks to AvoidLifeTM, I haven’t talked to my neighbors in months – pure bliss!”
- Jim H., Rockfield, Kansas
“I don’t even remember what chores feel like!”
- Kensie A., Macon, Georgia
“Avoiding calls, texts, Slacks, and emails from my boss has never been easier – or more guilt-free!”
- Harry R., New York, New York”
Don’t let the weight of avoidance crush you any longer
I started this firm when I saw my grandmother, Sadie Bosco, trying to avoid necessary medical care and seeing the psychic guilt it gave her.
I took the burden off of her shoulders by helping her avoid taking her pills and going to doctor’s appointments. Once I got over my grief, I realized I had a gift for it. Ever since then, I’ve made it my life’s mission to help others, in all walks of life, avoid the things they don’t want to do.
It’s a life’s mission shared by each and every one of my dedicated staff.
Let us do the avoiding for you! It is a decision that’s brought happiness and reduced stress to over 20,000 individuals, and I guarantee we can do it for you.
Limited Time Offer – FREE Excuse Generator!
Act now and you’ll receive our Excuse Generator ABSOLUTELY FREE! It’s chock full of real-world, proven excuses guaranteed to get you out of social obligations when you’re put on the spot. Here are just a few of our expertly-crafted excuses:
- “I’d love to, but my beta fish is going through a crisis and I need to be there for him.”
- “I would, but I’m currently stuck in a Wikipedia spiral about medieval spoons,”
- “Nothing would make me happier, but they say my uvula is in critical condition and I shouldn’t be moved.”
Click the link below to say goodbye to guilt and say hello to sweet, sweet avoidance
This is the one task you can’t afford to avoid (though we know you’ll be tempted).
Help me avoid avoidance >>
Your trusted partner in avoidance,
Bosco Roberts
President and Avoider-in-Chief
AvoidLifeTM
P.S. Did you avoid clicking that link? Act today, and we’ll avoid clicking any future links for you – even our own – as a way of saying thanks!
To avoid having to unsubscribe from future AvoidLifeTM emails, simply do nothing!
AvoidLifeTM
Simmons National Park
Cabin #12
Whitefish, Montana, 59937