I know there are some people wicked mad at the Suhpreem Caht for striking down affirmative action. But I am a testament to the fact that you don’t have to be a legacy kid to get in. Sure it helps, since at Harvard 34% of legacies are admitted, and overall, data indicates roughly 31% of legacy applicants gain admission.
Frankly, I’m tired of woke Gen Z types who would probably cancel Gordon Wood if given the chance, whining. It’s really not that hard to get into elite universities. Just follow the six simple steps outlined here and see how easy it is to get into the top colleges:
Step 1: Get hired as a janitor at an elite ivy league school
Step 2: Solve a series of high level math problems on a deserted hallway whiteboard
Step 3: Get caught solving a high level math problem by the professor who wrote it
Step 4: Curse the professor when he yells at you to stop and hide from him
Step 5: Wait for the professor to realize you got the answer correct
Step 6: Once the professor tracks you down you’ll be admitted
No transcripts. No ACT. No SAT. No self-indulgent personal essay about overcoming some obstacle like your dad offering the wrench, belt, or stick. Just a straight line to the front door of any fancy college you fancy.
Also, you should be thanking the Supreme Court for making it harder to go to college. The average student loan debt exceeds $37,000 per borrower. Almost half of federal loan borrowers are paying them off two decades later. You probably won’t be surprised to learn that African American borrowers have the highest average loan debt and that Black women have the highest average amount of debt owed.
So if you don’t think about it (and I strongly encourage you to not think about it), the Supreme Court is helping Black students with this decision. Especially in light of that other ruling to block Joe Biden’s student loan relief proposal. You probably noticed that one courtesy of all those Republicans celebrating. You know the ones, the conservative who hate government handouts who had their PPP loans forgiven.
So instead of being bitter about the ladder and the bootstraps used to climb it being dissolved in your grasp, be thankful. Because instead of dropping 150 grand on an education, you can get the same for $1.50 in late charges at the public library.
So you’ve been warned. You’ve been given an explanation. Nevertheless if you persist in applying for college at the best schools I encourage you to remember my easy six step plan.
Now, if for some reason you lack the resolve of a kid from Southie, and you do get denied entry. I implore you to recall the important mantra that privileged white men have been telling themselves for centuries. A credo forged in genocides, internment camps, Jim Crow, mass incarceration, red lines, voter disenfranchisement, violence against women, Macklemore’s Grammy over Kendrick.
It’s not your fault.
It’s not your fault.
It’s not your fault.