Symptoms? Yeah, offhand I’d say sluggish, achy, sore throat, swelling in my lymph nodes, IBS. Can’t concentrate.
You’re saying my Marvel Fatigue is definitely getting worse?
Movies shouldn’t make you feel like you have Lyme disease?
Okay, you’re gonna kill me, doc, but I went to see “Thor Love and Thunder” thinking it would cure me.
I know. I know. But it’s the guy who made “Ragnarok” and that funny Hitler movie.
And they fan-serviced me so hard. Natalie Portman as Mini Thor. Christian Bale plays a guy called Gorr the God Killer who kills gods. Chris Hemsworth shows his bare ass.
Punch in the algorithm, snort the dopamine hit, Marvel Fatigue sorted, right? But no, after fifty minutes of watching a blonde millionaire in a cape complain that he can’t find meaning in his life, my take-away was: who gives a shit?
You’re the god of thunder, fucking deal with it, Thor. Cut your hair and get a job.
My temples throbbed. Could a grown man’s enthusiasm for adolescent power fantasies fade after just 29 films?
Here’s how bad I’ve got it: I didn’t stick around for the after-credits scenes. You know what that means, doc. Characters and plotlines are coming to the Marvel Cinematic Universe that will be a complete surprise to me.
This from a guy who sat through “Morbius.”
I should have had you check me out after “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.”
During one endless CG fight between Strange and whatever the fuck they were, I stopped caring what universe they were in as long as they weren’t in this one. Since then, it’s been chronic joint pain, acid reflux, loose stool.
Can I be honest with you? I haven’t felt great since “Avengers: Endgame.” After you cut the head off Thanos, everything is patch, patch, patch.
But no. There’s always more Marvel. So goddamn. Much. More.
Help me out: Who is Ms. Marvel again? And Hawkeye has his own show? He’s not Falcon, right? Because Falcon is Captain America now? And do I have to know all the Eternals? Because I totally don’t. Is Loki doing that thing where he disappears and then shows up somewhere else?
And apparently there’s a show called “What If?” As in, “What if someone in late middle age stopped trying to memorize the entire Marvel canon?”
You’re right, doc. I should just quit. Get into opera or crypto or something. But think of the consequences.
What if I just don’t know what happens to Ant Man and the Wasp in Quantumania?
What if Marvel movies get good again and I miss one?
Until then, please, just give me something for the symptoms. Maybe a cream or something?
What do you mean, “Pre-existing condition?” Seriously?
Are you telling me Marvel Fatigue is out of pocket?