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    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»Politics»I Can’t Believe the Grocery Store Had Me Arrested for Not Wearing a Mask (and Rubbing My Junk on the Lettuce)
    Politics

    I Can’t Believe the Grocery Store Had Me Arrested for Not Wearing a Mask (and Rubbing My Junk on the Lettuce)

    Adri FrickBy Adri FrickMay 10, 2020Updated:July 22, 2020No Comments3 Mins Read
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    How quickly we allow our civil liberties to decay out of cowardice and the ease of complacency. Whatever happened to “Give me liberty or give me death?” I must protest this overreach of authority. What kind of police state is this that mandates I have to cover my face in a store? Or cover my groin, for that matter?

    I am tired of watching people cower in fear out of ignorance and media manipulation. You do NOT have to stay home. You do NOT have to wear a mask. These are NOT laws, as a law must be passed by your state legislature. And, of course, not one of our fifty states has passed a law explicitly requiring a mask in public or banning sexual contact with leafy greens.

    You might say, “Hey, Jesse, what about local laws? What about health and safety codes? Aren’t those enforceable laws that are already on the books?” And to that I scoff, “Scoff.” I actually said the word itself instead of real words because I couldn’t think of any. That’s how much I scoff at you.

    Can’t you see what’s happening? First they fire you for not wearing a hairnet at Arby’s. Then you’re warned about inappropriate behavior in the produce section. Next thing you know, every national and regional government, scientific research facility, and medical organization in the entire world starts coordinating their efforts despite centuries of hostility and division because of some so-called “pandemic?” CLEARLY they are all conspiring against us, the small business owners, gated beach community residents, and rural citizens of these United States. Well, no thank you, entire globe! You can keep your virus hoaxes and lactucaphiliaphobia to yourself.

    I am so sick of these sheeple who follow along just because some government official says you have to behave a certain way or wear a certain thing in the public interest. Those aren’t the principles this country was founded on. I pay that official’s taxes, thank you very much. You can’t tell me how close I can stand to someone or something. That’s fascism. If you don’t like me gently holding produce you might later buy against my naked genitals, don’t buy that produce. It’s as simple as that.

    There are those that say, “Hey, what if you don’t know you have symptoms?” or “How am I supposed to know which head of lettuce you fondled?” The fact is, sometimes in life there are risks. You might want to live in a nanny state that protects you from food poisoning or hospitalization, but I am willing to risk you eating that iceberg for the sake of our country’s most fundamental principle: Liberty.

    Limitless liberty to do anything I want was ingrained in the Constitution when it was passed by the White House in 1776. And you can’t make changes to the Constitution. It says that in the amendments.

    For those of you who say I’m being “selfish” or “perverted,” well, buddy, the joke’s on you. I was unable to find a mask before the shortages due to the mixed messages of the CDC and the mainstream media, and I have a (diagnosed!) produce fetish.

    Maybe next time try a little empathy.

    Adri Frick coronavirus
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    Adri Frick

    Adri Frick is a writer in the Bay Area. She’s also published humor in Slackjaw, and once bested Sherlock Holmes in Nonbinary Review.

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