It’s a new year, and that means a new you! This is the time for you to shape up, find that motivation and treat your body right – after all, don’t you want to live a long, healthy life?
After President Trump’s physical results, everything we thought we knew about a healthy lifestyle has been thrown out the window, as the results showed our president being healthy as can be! Our newly created “Presidential Fitness Plan” will have you living like the leader of the free world, and feeling EVEN better!
This four-step dietary plan will guide you through the changes you’ll need to see the results you’re looking for.
Step One: Exercise
It all starts at the gym, and ends there too! Throw away your gym membership and forget about climbing those stairs at work, it’s all elevators from here on out. The good news? You can spend less time grueling away at the useless treadmill and more time thumbing out your next tweet people definitely need to see.
Step Two: Proper Diet
Diet is always going to be a tough factor to your fitness plan whether you like it or not. This dietary plan is no exception as it takes away a majority of foods we like to indulge in day-to-day; fruits, vegetables, eggs and milk will need to be eliminated from your lifestyle entirely. Goodbye home-cooked meals, it’s all drive-through from here. As Trump’s physical shows, the excessive sodium from the disciplined diet rotation of McDonald’s, KFC and then back to McDonald’s again has kept his blood pressure normalized, and has ensured that President Trump has stayed in “excellent” condition, but remember you have to be hard on yourself to see results – that means Diet Coke only!
Now, we know that it’s not always convenient to stick to a diet, so make sure to incorporate meal prep! A KFC Family Bucket is the perfect solution to your work week lunches, and can last you roughly 3-4 days. McDonald’s is trickier, but microwaved Chicken McNuggets can last you upwards of three days before the pesky bacteria starts to settle in. Make sure to plan ahead and avoid resorting to low-calorie, low-sodium cheat meals like avocado and zucchini.
Step Three: Proper Rest
You can perfect the first two steps, but without the right amount of sleep, they’ll do you no good. Previously, it was always assumed those ages 26+ needed at least 7-9 hours of rest each night in order to keep their mind and body fresh and rejuvenated. Thankfully, we now know the scientifically proven time allotment of sleep people need each night. With the Presidential Fitness Plan, you only need to plan a 4-5 hour date with your pillow! That means you have more time to better yourself with other activities, like TV or, better yet, more Twitter!
Step Four: Genetically Modify Your DNA
Last but not least, it’s important to have gifted genes! As the president’s physician said first-hand, Trump has “Incredible genes, I assume” and so should you! Does your family have a history with high blood pressure? Heart problems? Cognitive disabilities? Well, it’s time to visit your local stem cell biologist and change it up a little! Don’t forget, change is essential to leading the lifestyle you deserve!