I want you to sit with me for a moment, here: we’re in the dog days of summer. In the sky, robins hum a gentle song. A baby bunny leaps across the green grass. In our hands rests a comic book, one we’ve been waiting to read for upwards of three months.
It’s a Green Arrow run, from 2005. This particular series is hailed as one of the greatest Green Arrow runs of all time; it’s also my first time reading a (slightly) more niche comic hero. In the world of DC, it’s hard to escape their most popular characters. It doesn’t matter if I ask for recommendations on the sub-reddit, scour review websites for the greatest run of all time, or buy whatever my local comic-book store runner gives me: all roads lead to Rome, or, in this case, Gotham.
But this time I really feel like I’ve done it. I’ve escaped Big Batman. I flip the page, hungry for more. My head falls into my hands. The robins (who are colored like traffic lights in a city renowned for being dark and shadowed) are inevitably shot out of the sky, murdered. The bunny gets run over by a batmobile.
Batman has appeared for a crossover. Oh. My. God.
DC commonly advertises their famous ‘Trinity’ over anything else; the three of them are possibly the most iconic superheroes in all of history: the first woman in comics, an alien who is the last of his world, and a billionaire. You’d imagine, then, that all of them would have somewhat even stakes in the comic conglomerate.
You’d be wrong. Batman has 1,388 more comic book issues than Superman and 2,885 more issues than Wonder Woman. That’s ridiculous. Bruce Wayne, I’ve learned, is inescapable. There is nothing one can read without getting trapped in his cold, desolate claws.
Batman’s name appears in the title of ELEVEN separate ongoing comic runs. Almost the entirety of the extended ‘Batfamily’ has their own ongoing right now, which is honestly fucking depressing. For reference, Wonder Woman has two, and her ‘Wonderfamily’ has one separate run.
In case you’re confused by the concept of a ‘Batfamily’, don’t worry: you’re not the only one. Who would guess that this character who is presented by popular media as a broody billionaire who works alone actually has the most expansive family-adjacent team in all of DC?
No one. But Batman has four adopted sons, one adopted daughter, an additional foster son, and another three women whose relationship with him changes depending on who you’re asking.
Why, then, are they not known at all? Is that what you’re thinking? I wish I could tell you. Maybe it’s because DC doesn’t know what to do with any of them, and just keeps giving Batman new kids to remind people that, look, a billionaire good guy! A billionaire that loves his kids! If you ask me, it doesn’t help his case much, because his kids keep dying, keep getting neglected, and are routinely forced to regress themselves in order to better support Papa Bat’s growth.
It also doesn’t help the characters that their ‘fans’ also force them back into Gotham and into Daddy Brucie’s arms in order to push their narrative of a loving family with no problems who just adore each other so much. And you know what? They really don’t love each other so much. That man genuinely wants them dead, and you can’t convince me otherwise. The only thing keeping this ‘family’ together is fanservice and Stockholm syndrome.
Which is especially annoying considering that there are so many characters who actually do promote family stories. Characters who would suit a sweet family-friendly feel-good story way better than Battyboy — Green Arrow, for example, has been characterized as adopting struggling children and prioritizing his family’s safety above all else. When GA gets into fights with his kids, he apologizes, changes himself, and reunites. Batman just hits his sons until they do what he wants, then stalks off with a level of emotional constipation never before seen.
Does no one else get sick of seeing Batman on every page? Do people really gasp in excitement when he appears? “Boy, oh boy! Another Batman story! I can’t wait to see if he does some cool technological thing again! Or, maybe, he’ll be the most brilliant detective in the world! I can’t wait for this brand new completely creative take on this character who I never get to see! Please, please, DC, give me more Batman! I yearn for Brucie Wayne!”
And that’s not even mentioning the poor writers. Imagine thinking you’ve finally gotten to write your own solo, you finally get to write a comic book for a hero and, sure, maybe they aren’t the most popular, but they’re your favorite. You have an arc planned out; you’ve done character work; and you even have an artist. You’re ready.
And then, the first issue releases. It doesn’t sell well, but that’s okay! A lot of comics don’t sell super well at first, you have to give these things time.
Yeah, right. The head of corporate comics, Big Papa D (C implied), comes waltzing into your office on the day your third issue comes out. You have two options here: you can have your solo cancelled, or you can have a Batman crossover.
Never mind that you’ve planned out how the story goes; never mind that you don’t want a Batman crossover and that your hero would never interact with Batman.
Your time has come. Make way, bucko! It’s the B-Man’s time to shine.
Now, this author doesn’t, strictly speaking, exist, but Batman has become a real cop-out for DC. Run not selling well? Batman will be there! Need a new movie? Batman needs a 134th! Need to make a new toy to line your pockets even more? Let’s throw Batman at the wall and see if he sticks! Don’t know what happens next in a story? Batman! Need to give a character a love interest! Well, Batman has sons! And daughters! What if they all kiss? What if we just make all of them kiss and hold hands and run around in a circle singing Kumbaya!
He’s a cool superhero, I’ll give you that. But his overBaturation in comic-adjacent entertainment has consequences! For girls (like myself), he provides an opportunity for teenage boys to call themselves ‘Batman’ in an attempt to feign nicheness, or maybe to try and make us associate them with a rich, handsome billionaire. For comic fans (like myself), it makes it impossible to consume a single 50+ issue run without him appearing. For comic trackers (like myself), it messes up statistics and makes us look like Batman dick-riders.
I can’t do it anymore, I really can’t. He’s my second most-read comic character, and I’ve only ever genuinely set out to read a Batman solo comic twice. It’s absurd. I fear we are soon reaching a point of no return.
I wish I could explain to you how exhausting it is to try to be brave, try new things, and venture out into new territories only to be forcefully dragged in by Big B. Please, DC, I’m begging you. Give us something new. Give your writers something new.
Batman (and his 37 side characters) needs to take a fucking break.