If there’s one thing that can ruin a final visit and ensure the last impression of a relative sucks, it’s a horrible final conversation! Deathbed visitations are a social minefield of tears, awkward silences, and confessions about second families in Québec. That’s why you need icebreakers and questions that create a fun atmosphere and get deep! We compiled a list of last date conversation starters so you don’t have to run to the bathroom in a panic when things get awkward.
Start Simple
“What’s your favorite book?”
You can bring it on your next visit and read it to them, or you can be the best relative ever and just download the audiobook of “P.S. I Love You” as read by Joe Pesci (he does the accent!) right there. The choice is yours (HE DOES. THE ACCENT)!
“What’s an accomplishment you’re proud of?”
No matter who you ask, they always choose something quirky (“raising you” (adorable!)) and never list the obvious one (being born into the last generation able to retire).
“What was your family like growing up?”
One of my go-to questions for when I wander into a stranger’s room. Hospitals are confusing. If “I’m not allowed” “to be in here”, why does the operating room have swingy doors?
“What is the most beautiful country you’ve ever travelled to?”
Spice it up and bring an air horn to press every time they complain about the “foreigners” they ran into!
Embrace the Icebreaker
“How would you spend your last day on Earth?”
This doesn’t just set the table for the visit- it gives you the opportunity to bust them out of hospice and into an inspirational last day filled with adventure and catharsis. The nurses might call security once they see you’ve detached life support, so get them ranting and distracted by asking “if they’re overworked”!
“Let’s say you had a safety deposit box filled with cherished memories- what are those memories? And what would the combination to that box be?”
Fingers crossed you’re a part of those moments (but also bring a pad of paper for this one in case the combination’s long.)
“What do you prefer: elephant-sized puppies, or puppy-sized elephants?”
Gives a person on the threshold a great visual, but ALSO starts conversations on Hinge. There’s only one right answer, and it’s the one that doesn’t involve taking out a mortgage for a doghouse. You had your shot at a “Jim”, Amelia, and you BLEW IT!!!
“Can I get your autograph?”
Keepsakes last longer than memories, and nothing holds value like a photograph or legal document signed by your loved one.
Let’s Get Interesting
“Where on this map of your property would you bury a safe with valuables?”
This is case-specific.
“Do you think I should reach out to Amelia?”
You’ve got one life to live, and it’s longer than the person in front of you. Why not give her another shot? She’s looking for something permanent, and hey- she liked pickleball!
“Have you ever been hip-deep in quicksand, with nothing in reach to pull you out?”
This is an advertisement for my invention the Sand Claw™, an extendable polymer claw for those who find themselves in this one niche scenario. Use offer code SINKING to get 20% off your first purchase!
“Where’s the gold hidden?”
Also case-specific!
Continue or Call It
“Where’s the bathroom?”
What do you think you’re doing? We gave you a list of questions so you wouldn’t escape to the bathroom! Keep him talking! Do NOT panic!
“Is there a different room where I can make a call?”
…You sonofagun. You’re not backing out of this- we had a deal, and we’ve got eyes on you!!!
“How would one back out of a deal with a hidden sniper watching you from a rooftop and blackmailing you into getting access to your vast fortune?”
How could y– Do NOT leave the room!
“Can I introduce you to my girlfriend Amelia? Amelia- get in here!”
…Alright. You win. We’re standing down.
And, hey- treat Amelia well… but don’t take it easy on her in pickleball! Her serve is great, but her lateral movement sucks!
