Square Eyes: From staring at my computer all day, where all information is now stored.
Gaping Mouth: From constantly yapping about my “problems” and my “issues.”
Red, Itchy, and Dry Cheeks: Sensitive skin isn’t the only thing I have; I am also way too sensitive about racism, sexism, and all the other -isms.
Tiny and Deformed Ears: From ignoring my parents about how to dress, who to vote for, and who to love (aka becoming my own person).
Flimsy Head: A light and vacant head that only has great selfie poses and Kardashian facts stored in it, despite having a college degree.
Flat Hands: From being glued to my phone.
Sweaty Palms: Should the phone be taken away because I am so clearly, and you don’t want to use this term too lightly, “addicted.”
Agile Thumbs: If only I could fix the router when they need it as quickly as I can shoot off a text.
Hefty Butt: From lounging around all day and generally being a big ol’ lazy toad.
Broad Back: Became muscular from constantly turning it on my elders while also disrespecting them!
Untamed Feet: From constantly running away from my problems.
Bulky Legs: Needed to carry my thick wallet full of money, which I have and am choosing not to spend on things like houses, because I’m a real jerk.
An Everlasting Ethereal Glow: Because I know for certain I am the center of the universe.