Close Menu
    Facebook X (Twitter) Instagram
    Facebook X (Twitter) Instagram
    Robot Butt
    • Entertainment
      1. Movies & TV
      2. Music
      3. View All

      Appointments to Men In Black Your Memories Away Are On Hold Until 2029

      September 29, 2026

      NEW REALITY TV SHOWS FOR DONALD TRUMP

      September 17, 2026

      Tubi Tuesday: Planet Of The Vampires (1965)

      September 15, 2026

      Next Minions Movie Announced: Minions & Speech Therapists 

      September 2, 2026

      TOP-GROSSING ROCK REUNION TOURS THIS SUMMER

      August 24, 2026

      20 Genre-Bending College Rock Bands To Try Out After They Exist

      July 26, 2026

      FUN & HARMLESS WAYS TO MOTIVATE YOUR BLUES MUSICIAN BFF

      May 12, 2026

      EVERY LEGAL CHARGE BY HIS MAJESTY’S GOVERNMENT AGAINST “THE ANDREW FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE”

      May 4, 2026

      Appointments to Men In Black Your Memories Away Are On Hold Until 2029

      September 29, 2026

      NEW REALITY TV SHOWS FOR DONALD TRUMP

      September 17, 2026

      Tubi Tuesday: Planet Of The Vampires (1965)

      September 15, 2026

       High Politics in Sequins: Welcome to Eurovision  

      September 10, 2026
    • Fiction
      1. Comics
      2. View All

      Enjoy This Lighthearted But Terrifying Halloween Post!

      October 18, 2026

      A Cartoon About A Prawn

      June 13, 2026

      Two Cartoons About Apples

      June 11, 2026

      A Cartoon About Pocket Notebooks

      May 31, 2026

      Steel Toe Tommy

      September 21, 2026

      Nursery Rhymes – Ancient Wisdom Or Nefarious Lies?

      September 8, 2026

      PAPPY’S ICED TEA

      June 21, 2026

      This End Up

      June 7, 2026
    • History

      An Oral History Of The Heimlich Maneuver

      September 18, 2026

      Nursery Rhymes – Ancient Wisdom Or Nefarious Lies?

      September 8, 2026

      Alexander The Great Solves The Gordian Knot

      August 3, 2026

      Clarifications From Count Dracula

      August 2, 2026

      America’s 250th Anniversary – State Motto Update

      July 27, 2026
    • Life
      1. Science
      2. Thoughts
      3. View All

      Modern Hail Sizes for a Golf Ball Illiterate Nation

      October 11, 2026

      SpaceX to Launch One Trillion Dollars to the Sun

      September 12, 2026

      Sociologist Who Lost 23 Pairs of Glasses Finally Cracks Mosh Pit Code

      September 11, 2026

      2026 Virtual National Labor Day Picnic Celebration: AI Agents And Assistants Only; Humans Not Invited

      September 7, 2026

      I Have Become A Haiku Master

      July 5, 2026

      Local Airline Pilot Takes Train To Work

      April 2, 2026

      Thank You AI!

      January 6, 2026

      Daves Are Going Extinct 

      May 27, 2025

      Enjoy This Lighthearted But Terrifying Halloween Post!

      October 18, 2026

      Appointments to Men In Black Your Memories Away Are On Hold Until 2029

      September 29, 2026

      Do’s and Don’ts for Your First Camping Trip 

      September 22, 2026

      National Retailers Renamed To Boost Halloween Sales 

      September 16, 2026
    • Politics
    • Sports
      1. Basketball
      2. Football
      3. View All

      NBA Accidentally Drafts Grammy Winning Saxophonist Boney James

      July 28, 2024

      NBA Deems Draymond Green’s Latest Treatment a Rousing Success

      January 15, 2024

      These Ordinary People Were Victims of the Harlem Globetrotters’ Terrible Basketball Antics

      June 17, 2022

      Hey, Uh, Did This Canva Template Just Invent A New Sports League?

      February 7, 2026

      NFL Team Eliminated? Clueless about Football? Find a Favorite: A Pre-Super Bowl Connection Guide For Choosing YOUR Bandwagon 

      January 22, 2026

      Colorado Buffalo Replacement Mascot Part of Failed Conspiracy?

      September 30, 2025

      5 Ins and Outs for Your Super Bowl Party!

      February 9, 2025

      PLEASE STOP BETTING ON MY IMPROV SHOWS ON KALSHI!

      August 11, 2026

      Tubi Tuesday: Mr. Go (2013)

      August 4, 2026

      “Best in Show” Extreme Breed Makeover

      July 20, 2026

      DAT ASS Is Going To Revolutionize—And Democratize—Professional Sports As We Know It

      July 11, 2026
    • Podcasts
    • Uncanny Valley
      1. Breaking News
      2. Company Blog
      3. Staff Posts
      4. View All

      Beyond Gulf and Lake of America, Hey! Plans To Name And Rename Bodies Of Water

      September 9, 2026

      Next Minions Movie Announced: Minions & Speech Therapists 

      September 2, 2026

      Iran Gains Control Of Reflecting Pool

      August 31, 2026

      Mindfulness App Achieves Sentience: Immediately Develops Anxiety

      August 23, 2026

      Robot Butt’s New Year’s Resolutions

      January 3, 2023

      This Internship is Already Teaching Me So Much

      July 17, 2015

      Meet Robot Butt’s New Intern, Darren!

      June 17, 2015

      I Am Going to Die in the Robot Butt Office

      April 24, 2014

      5 Things to Check Before Buying a Home

      October 15, 2026

      Here’s a Client Testimonial About Our Realtor, Walt

      October 14, 2026

      Robot Butt is Selling a House!

      October 13, 2026

      We, the Interns at the Robot Butt, Make the Following Demands

      September 23, 2026

      5 Things to Check Before Buying a Home

      October 15, 2026

      Here’s a Client Testimonial About Our Realtor, Walt

      October 14, 2026

      Robot Butt is Selling a House!

      October 13, 2026

      We, the Interns at the Robot Butt, Make the Following Demands

      September 23, 2026
    • About Us
      1. Books & Zines
      2. Contact
      3. Submission Guidelines
      4. View All

      Physical Copies Of Our Real Estate Brochure Are Out Now!

      October 17, 2026

      Real Estate Listing for a Haunted House

      October 16, 2026

      Stream The New Sketch Comedy Album Mr. Sandwich Right Now!

      August 15, 2025

      The Robot Butt Company Handbook: A Humor Zine Designed to Be Read at Work

      June 10, 2024

      Enjoy This Lighthearted But Terrifying Halloween Post!

      October 18, 2026

      Physical Copies Of Our Real Estate Brochure Are Out Now!

      October 17, 2026

      Real Estate Listing for a Haunted House

      October 16, 2026

      5 Things to Check Before Buying a Home

      October 15, 2026

      Enjoy This Lighthearted But Terrifying Halloween Post!

      October 18, 2026

      Physical Copies Of Our Real Estate Brochure Are Out Now!

      October 17, 2026

      Real Estate Listing for a Haunted House

      October 16, 2026

      5 Things to Check Before Buying a Home

      October 15, 2026

      Enjoy This Lighthearted But Terrifying Halloween Post!

      October 18, 2026

      Physical Copies Of Our Real Estate Brochure Are Out Now!

      October 17, 2026

      Real Estate Listing for a Haunted House

      October 16, 2026

      5 Things to Check Before Buying a Home

      October 15, 2026
    Robot Butt
    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»History»5 Causes of the Civil War That Had Nothing to Do With Raiding General Lee’s Compound Before the Genetically Enhanced Super Soldiers Hatched From Their Eggs
    History

    5 Causes of the Civil War That Had Nothing to Do With Raiding General Lee’s Compound Before the Genetically Enhanced Super Soldiers Hatched From Their Eggs

    Matt RotmanBy Matt RotmanOctober 11, 2017Updated:March 12, 2019No Comments3 Mins Read
    Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr Email
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email

    Civil War

    History is not a zero-sum game. Understanding why things happen takes a deep knowledge of context and an appreciation for nuance – which is why it’s frustrating that so many people think the only reason we fought the Civil War was to get to General Lee’s compound before it was too late, and his genetically enhanced super soldiers hatched from their eggs, forever eroding Man’s control over the natural world.

    Believe it or not, that was only one of a variety factors that contributed to the deaths of over 600,000 Americans during our country’s darkest hour. Let’s take a moment and explore the broader contextual elements that pitted brother against brother and almost brought an end to the Great American Experiment.

    1. President Lincoln accidentally lost his favorite medallion in Atlanta and asked General Sherman to go find it

    Most historians will tell you that some of history’s most important events were the result of a series of misunderstandings, and the American Civil War was no different. Normally a calm and collected man, President Abraham Lincoln became very distraught after losing his favorite medallion during a visit to Atlanta. First, his son had died, and now his medallion was gone. The president told General Sherman to turn the entire city inside out if he had to, but neglected to mention he should probably give city officials a heads up first.

    2. The first battle of Bull Run was so popular, industry execs demanded a sequel right away

    In the summer of 1861, Union and Confederate forces clashed in Manassas, Virginia, marking the bloodiest battle in American history up to that point, and industry executives immediately knew they had a huge hit on their hands; thus, they commissioned a sequel that was released the following summer. While audiences loved it, reviews were initially mixed, with one critic writing: “Bull Run 2 suffers from everything you’d expect a big budget sequel to suffer from. It simply rehashes the original’s plot, just with more action and a higher body count.”

    3. No one wanted Missouri

    Much has been made about the Missouri Compromise, the negotiation by Congress to allow Missouri into the Union as a slave state, as long as Maine was admitted as a free state. What isn’t widely known is that no one actually wanted Missouri, and when it became a state, it pissed everyone off.

    4. War reenactors were growing increasingly uncomfortable with the anachronism of reenacting a war that hadn’t happened yet

    Thousands of men in costume had a real come-to-Jesus moment and collectively asked: what the hell are we doing here?

    5. A state’s right to claim trains don’t exist

    A key component of the Republican Party’s 1860 platform was subsidizing the expansion of America’s railway system. However, southern Democrats balked at the idea that such a thing as trains even existed. The election of Abraham Lincoln then greatly horrified the South, as they thought the northerners were deluded to think that they could run an entire economy on magical arguments completely divorced from reality.

     

     

    civil war history Matt Rotman
    Share. Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr Email
    Matt Rotman

    Matt Rotman is a writer and comic. His work has been featured in National Lampoon, Humor Times, Weekly Humorist, Modern Times Magazine, Points in Case, Diabolique Magazine, The New Southerner, Marathon Literary Review, and the anthologies, [Ex]tinguished & [Ex]tinct: An Anthology of Things That No Longer [Ex]ist (Twelve Winters Press) and Puff Puff Prose, Poetry and a Play Vol. II. He lives in San Diego, CA.

    Related Posts

    An Oral History Of The Heimlich Maneuver

    September 18, 2026

    Nursery Rhymes – Ancient Wisdom Or Nefarious Lies?

    September 8, 2026

    Alexander The Great Solves The Gordian Knot

    August 3, 2026

    Comments are closed.

    Search Robot Butt
    Read More Robot Butt

    The 50 Best Movies of the 1990s

    NASA History: What Were the Objectives of Every Apollo Mission?

    These Are the Weirdest Promotions in Major League Baseball History

    The Robot Butt Podcasts
    Robot Butt Podcasts

    Check out the Robot Butt Podcasts and then give a listen to our friends below:

    ROGUE SQUADRON PODCAST

    Star Wars, beer, music, video games and more!
    The Robot Butt Videos
    Robot Butt Videos

    Unrelenting comedy in video form!
    Facebook X (Twitter) Instagram Pinterest
    © 2026 ThemeSphere. Designed by ThemeSphere.

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.