It’s relatively safe to assume that, at times, celebrities act like normal human beings. As far as I can tell, they’re made the same way as us. They certainly speak and pretend to act like us. So that means they might do things we all do when the cameras aren’t rolling and the paparazzi hasn’t found them, right?
Think about it. What are you doing right now? Sitting at your computer reading this, or maybe you’re on the couch using your tablet or phone and you’re waiting for that entire box of macaroni and cheese to finish cooking so you can hate-eat it and immediately pass out with all the lights on. You’re disgusting. We’re all disgusting.
In the course of a day, we all do plenty of embarrassing (i.e. absolutely normal) things. And if we are to believe that, occasionally, famous people are just like us, then that also means that they are the victims of unfortunate circumstances in life. They might even do things they aren’t proud of, but are incapable of preventing.
Could Brad Pitt be sharting right now after hours of trying to fight it, clenching his buttcheeks in a desperate attempt to avoid the inevitable? Possibly!
Shailene Woodley has a very serious air about her, but who knows, maybe she just farted and maybe, just maybe, she didn’t hate her own scent. Is that so wrong?
Jennifer Lopez could be off today, picking her nose privately for an extended period of time. Maybe in the hunt for a booger that won’t come loose. Maybe just because it inexplicably feels good. That’s okay!
Do you think Leonardo DiCaprio could have an itchy crotch, and when he relives himself of said itch, he, out of instinct, smells his hand? It’s a damn good bet he is now or will be soon.
The point is that people are gross. We are curious, horrendous creatures and if I’m to believe that celebrities are made up of the same genetic code as I am, then these things are happening on a daily basis. Jennifer Lawrence could be eating spoonfuls of peanut butter with spaghetti sauce because it’s literally all she has in the house, or Johnny Depp might be clipping his toenails, holding the nail to his big toe so close to his face for inspection, like it’s the most wondrous thing he’s ever discovered. And then he might even smell it because hey, who knows what toenails smell like? Don’t judge him for that.
We’re all just living our lives. So what are celebrities doing right now? Being cool? Hell no, they’re feeling bloated. They’re sitting on the toilet in pain because of a Thai peanut rice bowl they ate. They’re noticing massive pit stains and sweating even more after realizing they’ve been walking around like that all day.
It’s fascinating to think about, these gods among us acting like the peons they entertain. But they do act like us, and you can bet there are a lot of actresses trying their best to silently fart in their really nice dresses during the Academy Awards.