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    Robot Butt

    • Entertainment
      1. Movies & TV
      2. Music
      3. View All

      Title: We’re Rebooting “The Three Commandments”

      April 15, 2026

      How Smoking Your Cigarette Shows If You’re Evil

      April 3, 2026

      Movie Goers Excited to Sleep Through New Avatar Film

      March 2, 2026

      John Hamm to Play Every Role in New Film, Even Inanimate Objects

      February 24, 2026

      Jelly Roll and Post Malone Embark On “We’re The Same Guy” Tour 

      April 29, 2026

      COUNTRY SONG TITLES FOR DOGS

      February 18, 2026

      RE: My Upcoming Concert at Your Starbucks. 

      September 6, 2025

      After Drummer Porn Arrest, New Pornographers Look for Less Controversial Band Name 

      May 21, 2025

      Jelly Roll and Post Malone Embark On “We’re The Same Guy” Tour 

      April 29, 2026

      Why I Finished Reading That Terrible Book

      April 25, 2026

      Title: We’re Rebooting “The Three Commandments”

      April 15, 2026

      Welcome To Our TV Show Pop-Up Bar, Which Is Not a Scam

      April 14, 2026
    • Fiction
      1. Comics
      2. View All

      A Cartoon About Alarm Clocks

      February 4, 2026

      Happy Holidays! Here’s A Cartoon About Christmas Trees

      December 25, 2025

      The Riddles Of Dragon Hollow: An Ultra-Short Pulp Fantasy Parody

      September 20, 2025

      Tis Time For More Advice From The Advice Imp!

      September 10, 2025

      Elephant in the Examination Room

      April 26, 2026

      Coffee Comrades

      February 26, 2026

      THE THREE HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE ARE NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS

      January 23, 2026

      Beckett versus Beckett

      October 4, 2025
    • History

      Seder hopping with the Passover King

      May 15, 2025

      College Students Suggest Causes for Fossilized Vomit

      April 30, 2025

      Oedipus’ Lament

      April 18, 2025

      10 Relevant Events in History that were Originated by a Joke

      February 20, 2025

      Valentine’s Day Musings From a Drunken William Shakespeare 

      February 13, 2025
    • Life
      1. Science
      2. Thoughts
      3. View All

      I Dated Four AI Boyfriends So You Don’t Have To

      April 27, 2026

      Peanut Butter is Coming Back to School!

      March 6, 2026

      Scientists Discover Trending Chimpanzee Fashion Statement: Sticking Grass In Their Ears And Backsides

      February 27, 2026

      Report: 80% Of People Looking At Their Phones On The Train Are Watching Porn 

      January 25, 2026

      Local Airline Pilot Takes Train To Work

      April 2, 2026

      Thank You AI!

      January 6, 2026

      Daves Are Going Extinct 

      May 27, 2025

      A Love Poem to Greenland written by J.D. Vance

      May 4, 2025

      I’m One Lie Away from My Dream Job

      April 29, 2026

      Tourist Tips to Avoid Screaming, “I’m an American who plays Dungeons & Dragons”

      April 28, 2026

      I Dated Four AI Boyfriends So You Don’t Have To

      April 27, 2026

      Why I Finished Reading That Terrible Book

      April 25, 2026
    • Politics
    • Sports
      1. Basketball
      2. Football
      3. View All

      NBA Accidentally Drafts Grammy Winning Saxophonist Boney James

      July 28, 2024

      NBA Deems Draymond Green’s Latest Treatment a Rousing Success

      January 15, 2024

      These Ordinary People Were Victims of the Harlem Globetrotters’ Terrible Basketball Antics

      June 17, 2022

      Hey, Uh, Did This Canva Template Just Invent A New Sports League?

      February 7, 2026

      NFL Team Eliminated? Clueless about Football? Find a Favorite: A Pre-Super Bowl Connection Guide For Choosing YOUR Bandwagon 

      January 22, 2026

      Colorado Buffalo Replacement Mascot Part of Failed Conspiracy?

      September 30, 2025

      5 Ins and Outs for Your Super Bowl Party!

      February 9, 2025

      Woman Pretending to Like Sports to Sleep With Man Asks Him Which Soccer Teams Played in the Super Bowl

      February 21, 2026

      Lindsey Vonn Suffers Crash In Wheelchair Race At Hospital 

      February 17, 2026

      LIFEHACK: When Your Dad Texts You About Not Understanding The Bad Bunny Halftime Show, Reuse Your Responses From The Kendrick Lamar Halftime Show

      February 8, 2026

      Hey, Uh, Did This Canva Template Just Invent A New Sports League?

      February 7, 2026
    • Podcasts
    • Uncanny Valley
      1. Breaking News
      2. Company Blog
      3. Staff Posts
      4. View All

      BREAKING: Your Oven Clock Has The Time Wrong

      March 8, 2026

      Lindsey Vonn Suffers Crash In Wheelchair Race At Hospital 

      February 17, 2026

      Seconds Before Competing At The Highest Level, Entire World Comes Together To Boo J.D. Vance

      February 6, 2026

      HEARTBREAKING: Middle Schooler With Mad Libs Book Out Of Bad Words

      January 26, 2026

      Robot Butt’s New Year’s Resolutions

      January 3, 2023

      This Internship is Already Teaching Me So Much

      July 17, 2015

      Meet Robot Butt’s New Intern, Darren!

      June 17, 2015

      I Am Going to Die in the Robot Butt Office

      April 24, 2014

      Happy April Fools’ Day, Here’s My Actual Social Security Number

      April 1, 2026

      Dayton Bowling Center Announcement: Last Week To Claim February Lost And Found Items, Also Open Mic This Wednesday Night!

      March 9, 2026

      Dayton Bowling Center Is Closed Today! RIP Gene! Our Open Mic Night Is Still This Wednesday, March 4th!

      March 2, 2026

      Chicago Friends, We Have A New Show Called “Open Mic Night At A Bowling Alley” Coming To The Annoyance Theater Wednesdays In March!

      February 22, 2026

      Happy April Fools’ Day, Here’s My Actual Social Security Number

      April 1, 2026

      Dayton Bowling Center Announcement: Last Week To Claim February Lost And Found Items, Also Open Mic This Wednesday Night!

      March 9, 2026

      BREAKING: Your Oven Clock Has The Time Wrong

      March 8, 2026

      Dayton Bowling Center Is Closed Today! RIP Gene! Our Open Mic Night Is Still This Wednesday, March 4th!

      March 2, 2026
    • About Us
      1. Books & Zines
      2. Contact
      3. Submission Guidelines
      4. View All

      Stream The New Sketch Comedy Album Mr. Sandwich Right Now!

      August 15, 2025

      The Robot Butt Company Handbook: A Humor Zine Designed to Be Read at Work

      June 10, 2024

      Jason’s Dozen: A Friday the 13th Humor Collection

      October 13, 2023

      Halloween Compendium of Terror: A Spooky Humor Anthology

      October 31, 2022

      Jelly Roll and Post Malone Embark On “We’re The Same Guy” Tour 

      April 29, 2026

      I’m One Lie Away from My Dream Job

      April 29, 2026

      Tourist Tips to Avoid Screaming, “I’m an American who plays Dungeons & Dragons”

      April 28, 2026

      I Dated Four AI Boyfriends So You Don’t Have To

      April 27, 2026

      Jelly Roll and Post Malone Embark On “We’re The Same Guy” Tour 

      April 29, 2026

      I’m One Lie Away from My Dream Job

      April 29, 2026

      Tourist Tips to Avoid Screaming, “I’m an American who plays Dungeons & Dragons”

      April 28, 2026

      I Dated Four AI Boyfriends So You Don’t Have To

      April 27, 2026

      Jelly Roll and Post Malone Embark On “We’re The Same Guy” Tour 

      April 29, 2026

      I’m One Lie Away from My Dream Job

      April 29, 2026

      Tourist Tips to Avoid Screaming, “I’m an American who plays Dungeons & Dragons”

      April 28, 2026

      I Dated Four AI Boyfriends So You Don’t Have To

      April 27, 2026
    Robot Butt
    Entertainment

    I’m the Self-Deprecating Comedian You All Know and Would Love If I Weren’t Totally Unlovable

    By Steph WestendorfJuly 28, 2018

    How’s everybody doin’? I’m fine. Not like, “Ooh, she’s fine.” I’m actually pretty below average in the looks department. I’m…

    Entertainment

    Responses to a Bro’s Facebook Status Asking for Book Recommendations

    By Blair DawsonJuly 26, 2018

    Stephen White, a 23-year-old bro, posted a Facebook status asking his peers for book recommendations. Upon realizing Infinite Jest by…

    Entertainment

    MMORPG Dating Tips for Ogres: Things You Should Never Say to an Ogress

    By Robert McGeeJuly 25, 2018

    1. Are you really going to eat all of that elf? 2. You have a really pretty mace. 3. You should smite…

    Comics

    Beethoven’s First

    By Brandon HicksJuly 24, 2018

       

    Columns

    Wine Pairings With Trump Tweets: A High ABV Zinfandel for July

    By Olivia SieckJuly 24, 2018

    Hello, or, what we will be saying in six months, Здравствуйте. Since we will look like a Tolstoy novel by…

    Breaking News

    IMF Human Resources Department Dreading Paperwork for Ethan Hunt’s 14th Disavowal

    By Robot Butt News Corp.July 23, 2018

      WASHINGTON – After engaging in wanton destruction and causing hundreds of millions of dollars in damages in the Belarusian city…

    Columns

    The Gorton’s Fisherman Gives His Advice on Swimsuit Shopping

    By Lauren MorrisJuly 23, 2018

    Argh, it is I, the Gorton’s fisherman, the guy on the fish sticks box in the freezer at your local…

    History

    Ernest Hemingway Discovers Frosé

    By Chris BrotzmanJuly 21, 2018

    Rinaldi and I were discussing bravery and war and bullfights and fly-fishing and the smell of death in the trenches…

    Life

    What Your Wedding Gift Says About You

    By Ally HirschlagJuly 20, 2018

    300-count Egyptian cotton sheet set: You’ve been an assistant editor for five years and it’s fine. You’re living your best…

    Politics

    Sustainability FTW: Myanmar Is Composting Its Rohingya Population to Prove That Sustainable Ethnic Cleansing Is Possible!

    By Zachary TruranJuly 19, 2018

    Environmentalists everywhere will be stunned when they hear about this major eco-friendly win out of Myanmar. Instead of burning off…

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