Hey. It’s me, I’m back. I apologize for being AWOL, you must all be wondering what happened. Well, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’ve been living my best life the past 6 hours. Also, let me preface this by saying that I did not take a social media break in a desperate bid for attention after my reel flopped nor because my girl boss Cricut start up (that I only got the idea for on TikTok 2 weeks ago) failed to take off around the same time, sending me into a hysterical spiral. No. I took a break from social media because I live a secretly amazing, spiritually rewarding life that you don’t know anything about and I am soooo happy living this life to even bother with social media.
Now on to each picture in my photo dump that I wrote a deliberately vague, unrelated one word caption under to appear nonchalant and cool.
1. This is an abstract blurry picture of my shoes to let you know how nonchalant I am about this whole instagram thing.
2. Picture of my performative groceries (Califia farms barista blend oat milk, blueberry vanilla chèvre donkey cheese, organic strawberries, 2000 Domaine de chevalier wine, and…. a bouquet of flowers)
3. A picture of me covered in paint, while I hold a paintbrush and look engrossed in my painting so you can see how nonchalant I am about looking sophisticated and thus how morally superior I am to you. Also, see how super focused I am on things outside of social media like painting? Instagram was the last thing on my mind while this picture was taken… whatever you wouldn’t get it. This was a super candid picture btw.
4. Blurry film photo of my friends laughing in cozy warm yellow lighting so you know we’re having so. much. fun. and are so happy with each other. And to show that what I care about in the end is genuine human connection, which is soooo much better than the wealth and social status I secretly desperately seek.
5. A picture of Vinyl player on a mahogany shelf with performatively placed vinyl records of OKLOU, Jeff Buckley, Clairo, and Britney Spears next to the player.
6. Bad picture of sunset to let you know idgaf about being aesthetic, and make you think there’s probably a very deep meaningful story behind this sunset. There’s not, I am just losing my grip on reality.
7. Mysterious picture of an extremely mundane looking aluminum foil on a kitchen table. There is an amazing, hilarious and mysterious story behind this me and my cool friends know but I am not going to tell you.
8. Random deep quote by Haruki Murakami because I am actually a choice feminist, but I don’t even know what that means because I get all my opinions off of TikTok and I am too lazy to read a book on my own so I resort to calling smarter people pretentious snobs.
9. Random meme to offset the maudlin Murakami quote because I am quirky too. I contain multitudes.
10. A close up, seemingly candid video of me laughing with no context because guys, I have been sooooo happy during my social media break. I live a very holistic happy life away from social media that you know nothing about, although I actually have no true interior and can’t grapple with the fact that I am painfully mediocre. I also totally did not spend nearly an hour fake laughing over and over again until the muscles on my face started to hurt so I could get this video.
I believe in love and laughing you guyssss <3 until next time.