Thanks for keeping me honest!
I actually wanted regular, non-medical attention. So sorry for the mix-up.
My brother changed his Hulu password and I haven’t told him I’ve been using his account for a year so I can’t watch Grey’s Anatomy anymore.
As the brilliant Dr. Cyndi Lauper hypothesized, “Girls just wanna have fun.”
My period, which science has finally proven to be a myth.
I’m a compulsive liar. The urge is chronic and getting worse every day. Unlike the back pain. I totally made that up.
I have a rare but debilitating disease that affects the frontal lobe called “Shitsandgiggles.” Explains the migraines.
Raging diarrhea but this one’s on me. I knew better than to eat that street hotdog.
I’m this close to winning a contest and I just wanted to be recognized for it. It’s a staring contest, with the bitchy receptionist at my gastroenterologist’s office.
ADHD. Everyone knows that’s fake.
My girlfriend broke up with me so I gave myself an impulsive new diagnosis instead of an impulsive new haircut. Bangs don’t work for my face shape. This rash, however, brings out my eyes.
I’m trying to set up the ER doctor on call during the day with the one on call during the night. I got hit by that car on purpose to give them a good meet-cute.
I have severe allergies, to both being happy and knowing peace.
I mixed up the words “necessary” and “unnecessary” when I asked for those antibiotics. My bad. I’m starting to think it’s unnecessary I get evaluated for dyslexia.
I’m into doctor-patient role-play. Even thinking about a shapeless white coat under harsh fluorescent lighting gets me hot. Like, seriously hot. Can you feel my forehead? That untreated UTI probably spread to my kidneys.
Cancer of the soul. Contagious, unfortunately. I caught it from my insurance company.