These upcoming film projects have been approved by the white house and will receive full funding. It is time to make films great again.
January 18, 2026
From the desk of Cutter H. Wilton, Deputy Assistant Chief of Film Review:
The following projects have been judged to have merit and will be passed to the full Make American Film Great Again Council for pre-production approval, pending noted emendations and corrections:
Universe Man, the saga of what happens when the strongest man in the universe encounters a foe he can’t quite understand
The themes of might makes right, so prevalent in the superhero genre, are generally welcome and constructive. Well done! It is important, however, that the hero have blond hair swept back in a virile, surging wave. That hairstyle is now the universally accepted signifier of remarkable puissance and virtue. All heroes, from Achilles to George S. Patton, will be shown with such a golden head-topper. When Universe Man is forced to don a helmet to jump in his rocket and battle the Moon Marauders, the helmet should have a cutout in the top to allow the hair to crest out. Also the super villain who builds the elaborate base on Mars and lures Universe Man into a trap there shows an unfortunate and reprehensible stereotype about wealthy individuals. We can’t allow this dehumanization of some of the most generous, gentle-hearted, and truly self-effacing amongst us. Instead of a billionaire who has bought up all the companies in the space flight industry and taken over most of the world government, the real bad guy should be a multiethnic cabal of recent college graduates who sit around talking about making the world “better for everyone” and call themselves Defying Economic Immorality, or DEI for short.
The Cuckoo Cries at Midnight, a suspense thriller in which Detective Jack Kirby faces his most dangerous nemesis yet
While I recognize that it’s important to build up some tension about “who did it” in a mystery of this sort, it’s vital that the villain be wearing a pride t-shirt from the earliest scenes. You may think this makes it too obvious—who but a criminally-inclined fiend would wear a badge of perverse intent? But MAGA audiences should always know who’s good and who’s bad. It’s our job as guardians of the culture to tell them that very clearly with no mystery or ambiguity. And that duty Trumps™ any narrative need. The new MAGA approach will have advantages: the fact that the killer turns out to be the detective’s best friend, rather than surprising or shocking the audience will instead reaffirm our sense that we always know who the villains are even when they claim to be well-intentioned do-gooders. In fact, the villain should probably be a social worker to show how the purported helping professions are really efforts by the weak and deranged to corrupt the majority of stalwart Americans. To strengthen the contrast between good and bad, the detective should wear a MAGA hat and spend his weekends down at the border using illegal migrants for target practice.
Skeleton Crew, the last survivors of a desperate space mission fight to make contact with the aliens that may be able to save humanity
I don’t know if any film showing a future humanity teetering on the brink of extinction can be allowed, since President Trump has now fixed everything. Perhaps it can if you make it clear that the story is set in an alternate timeline where Kamala somehow stole the election, leading to the decline of all civilization. Rewrite on this basis.
Love in the Time of Buboes, a sweeping historical romance set against the devastation of the Black Death
The story of heterosexual love surviving as civilization crumbles is truly beautiful. I cried as I read this treatment. I admit it. Even more beautiful is the compelling vision of an all-white Europe, which can’t help but make us think how love and race purity are two of the great accomplishments of our civilization. But this script misses one obvious opportunity: To make it to production this film will have to bring out how immigration is really responsible for all social ills. Add scenes showing darker skinned people carrying the rats that harbor the plague into the city of Verona with them. Show them creeping in under the noses of watchers, like the criminals who flood our southern border. The visual association of immigrants with rats will reinforce POTUS’s critical messages about keeping our country safe and pure. Also, the whole subplot in which the lady heroine cares for the poor before contracting the disease herself should be removed. People in America today don’t want to see the elite and beautiful mixing with the unmeritorious poor. Think about the model set by the Trump family. They would never do that!
The Infallible Man, a 17-hour saga celebrating the trials and ultimate triumph of our savior Donald J. Trump
Perfect. No notes.
