I love how much language can evolve. The slang and idioms of a previous generation might be completely foreign to another. The fluidity and flexibility of language is eternally fascinating, making our very existence an incredibly exciting proposition.
What wonderful new ways will we invent to connect with each other in the future? How can you not feel romantic about life when the possibilities for communication are endless?
With all that being said, you can see why I must then respectfully decline your wish for me to stop referencing my bad diarrhea as needing to “empty the clip.”
I understand why you might find it disagreeable for me to excuse myself from dinner with your parents by announcing that I’ll be emptying the clip in the restaurant bathroom, loud enough for people at nearby tables to hear. But the progress of the English language waits for no one; it’s an unstoppable force that can never – and should never – be impeded. I feel like I’m on the frontier of civilization’s evolution and, in some ways, molding the future of humanity in my own image.
I hope and pray that someday you’ll come to see my work as the valuable contribution to society that it is. It remains my greatest intention for this to become something to share in together; imagine one day looking back and realizing we each had a hand in bending the English language to our will.
We could be gods.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have recently consumed far too much dairy and, thus, it is time for me to empty the clip.
