> AITA for wanting a refund after selling my [M34] soul? u/fauxfiddlefum
Hey, Reddit! Burner account here because as you may have guessed from the title, I’m wildly rich/successful/talented/etc. Not a flex lol I’m just saying like you know how it is that’s just the contract. Anyway, so basically my parents are both in the biz (that means “business” it’s just slang from the industry) (“the industry” is what people call the music business). My mom owns a record label and my dad is a producer. Both of them were musicians in their hayday (my mom was a singer-songwriter in the EU and my dad toured with CHEDDER BEZKET once).
Naturally, I always thought that with that kind of double-whammy I would end up following in their footsteps. Not so, dear reader. For I was born with something my privileged parents could never understand………………………………… stage fright. Yes, I didn’t have the mettle to perform, and it turned all my musical endeavors to ash in my hands. I fumbled the flute, I sank on the sax, I pissed in the percussion pit (literally). I was the most talentless 4th grader in the whole world, probably. You can see why I was so desperate for a change.
One day I was at one of my moms famous garden parties and I was bumping elbows with all the A, B, and C listers within 30 miles. It was like an alphabet soup LOL. I was treating my heartache with a lavender lemonade and cucumber finger sandwich when I was approached by a stranger who said he was a well-known fiddle player. Anyway, one thing led to another and he busted out the clipboard and I contracted over my soul.
That was over 20 years ago and I wont lie, its been great for the most part. It took a while to get the hang of my powers but within a few years I was getting record deals for my electric fiddle skills.
Now the whole no soul thing is really catching up with me. The fiddle has lost its simple zest. I’m not as charming as I once was. Some days, I can barely get out of bed. I guess I don’t want to go to hell either but right now I’m just majorly bummed out. I want a refund but I think he’ll be mad at me. AITA?
> ChaoticSwagless: YTA. weird flex
> Snusnu: YTA
> Forkums111: YTA
> Dutifulrye: DM me
> Full_metal_dilf: YTA, lowkey an ingrate, ratio + L
> Lori971735983284: Feet?
> Dutifulrye: DM ME R/N
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> Fauxfiddlefum has sent you a message!
Fauxfiddlefum: if you have my doxx no autographs please ;P :*
You: tell me how to contact the devil
Fauxfiddlefum: haha wat?
You: the devil
Fauxfiddlefum: ?
You: Oh my god you moron you made a deal w/ him did you not
Fauxfiddlefum: yea but it was a bad idea :C
Fauxfiddlefum: Im super sad now like all the time
You: didnt ask dont care
You: I turned his offer down 20 years ago
Fauxfiddlefum: o good for you
Fauxfiddlefum: moral fortitude (flexing emoji)
You: NO!!! I want it back on the table!! My life sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: I haven’t touched the electric fiddle since I turned the offer down
You: now im a district attorney!!!!!! I hate it!!!!!!!
You: I WANT TO PLAY THE FIDDLE DAMN IT
Fauxfiddlefum: oh
Fauxfiddlefum: well
Fauxfiddlefum: i have his office #
You: great.
Fauxfiddlefum: what if we went over together ? for moral support
You: …ok…
Fauxfiddlefum: then we can get our contracts flipped! Freaky friday
You: sure. Fine. what is the number
Fauxfiddlefum: 666
You: ok
You: ugh
Fauxfiddlefum: ?
You: They arent doing in-person appts rn the devil is still WFH
Fauxfiddlefum: Crazy
You: I’ll see if he’ll zoom us in
You: His secretary says he only does microsoft teams
You: Typical
–You have sent a link–
—————–
[The Devil answers. He is doing laundry in a flaming pit and eating a bowl of cereal. He periodically mutes himself for chewing sounds]
You: Im not turning my camera or mic on for this, I’m not putting pants on
[The Devil shrugs]
[A generically conventionally attractive man who you may or may not recognize from TV joins the call. He is in a very nice home but it is covered in molding dishes and discarded laundry.]
[The Devil waves]
[The man mouths something]
You: You’re muted
[The man mouths something]
You: YOU’RE MUTED
The Devil: Brent, your mic is off
Brent: Oh, thanks
[Brent explains both of your situations while the Devil mutes himself to eat cereal]
The Devil: Oh shit
Brent: What?
The Devil: I have you mixed up in excel
You: WHAT?
The Devil: I took your soul in exchange for fiddle music and didn’t finish the contract with Brent. These things happen from time to time.
Brent: That’s not possible. I’m famous and talented and severely despressed.
The Devil: That’s because the talent was in you all along. You were just nervous.
Brent: Really?
The Devil: No, you’re a nepotism baby and need therapy.
You: What about me?
The Devil: You gave up what you like and went to law school. You didn’t even notice you don’t have a soul. That’s on you.
——–
The Devil: We all good here?
Brent: Yeah.
You: No! I want-
–The free meeting expires–