In December 2009, MTV premiered a reality television show centering on the clubbing lifestyle of several Italian-Americans who identified themselves with guido/guidette gender pronouns. The program immediately garnered controversy for its subject matter, with several journalists arguing ignorance over harmful stereotypes, toxic masculinity, and depravity.
To say I was intrigued would be the ultimate understatement.
At the time of its release, I was a sophomore in high school with zero cable access. Desperate for answers, I leaned against the lockers of my peers and proceeded to pick their brains about Jersey Shore.
Their responses left me with more questions than answers. They spun tales of a man with washboard abs cut from marble and a mangled face resembling Popeye the Sailor Man. They spoke of a short-statured woman with big hair and Sunkist orange skin. They mentioned several mysterious acronyms, such as DTF and GTL.
“What do they mean?” I probed.
“It’s the codes they live by,” my colleagues explained. “Down to Fuck. Gym Tan Laundry.”
“My god,” I whispered. “That’s genius.”
My initial research left me hungry for greater context. In 2010, I secured the DVD release of Jersey Shore’s first season and watched the entire show in one sitting. This experience proved to be equal parts entertaining and insufferable.
Jersey Shore offers a voyeuristic POV into the lives of several eccentric personalities whose collective goal is to fuck shit up. Many of these characters have nicknames, the likes of which fuel their egos. A man in his early thirties refers to his chiseled midsection as “The Situation.” A woman goes by “JWoww” because of her voluptuous figure that turns men into drooling cartoon wolves.
I can’t stress how entertaining it was to witness these drunken GTL philosophers stumble through Seaside Heights in search of a good time and a better fuck. I loved how each cast member struggled to operate the duck-shaped landline telephone at their estate. I cheered whenever The Situation’s toxic masculinity blew up in his face after encountering women unfazed by his shtick. I cackled with delight when the dirtbag male cast members realized they brought home a group of “grenades” (AKA unattractive women) after sobering up from a wild night of excessive drinking.
Aside from being exposed to an insane subculture, I enjoyed witnessing the cast develop a camaraderie. Whether joining forces to console a wounded Snooki after being struck by an intoxicated dickhead at a bar or lounging on the rooftop of their home after dancing the night away, the gang expresses compassion when it counts.
As expected, the cast members also clash – it’s reality television, after all. Sometimes these arguments are hilarious, as seen when JWoww backhands The Situation across the face in a display of slapping violence that would give Will Smith a run for his money. Most of the time, however, the drama hurts my enjoyment of the show.
The soul-sucking relationship triangle between Sammi, Ronnie, and The Situation plays a significant role throughout the entire run of Jersey Shore. I can’t blame the producers for drawing attention to this material, seeing as how drama is the backbone of reality television. But with subjects as unique as The Situation and Snooki, trivial relationship quarrels shouldn’t have been the focal point. For me, the main attraction of this show has always been depravity. It’s as if the producers didn’t understand the merits of DTF and GTL. For Christ’s sake, those were the slogans on your t-shirts! That’s where the money was, and that’s what the people wanted to see.
After studying Jersey Shore’s freshman outing, I returned to the program for the second and third seasons. Although I found these adventures enjoyable, the drama between Sammi, Ronnie, and The Situation persisted. During the fourth season, MTV announced the action would take place in Italy. I was beyond excited to see the gang fist-pump their way through Florence with reckless abandon. Unfortunately, the depravity that made the show so captivating had taken a back seat to tedious blowouts. The only upside was an infamous shot of The Situation post “fight” with Ronnie. After slamming his head into a concrete wall to prove he was a man who shouldn’t be fucked with, our abtastic weasel found himself sulking in a neck brace, his tearful eyes sheltered by a thick pair of shades. It’s possibly the most beautiful image ever captured on television.
Despite my gripes, I love Jersey Shore to this day. From what I’ve seen of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, there appears to be an effort to show the gang having fun with one another instead of focusing on drama, which I greatly appreciate. Although, if I’m being honest, seeing the cast enter their forties with a much slower approach to fist-pumping is somewhat heartbreaking. Also, The Situation is now sober and in a committed relationship. That’s a shock twist my seventeen-year-old self NEVER saw coming.
Nonetheless, the fact that these super freaks remain on television warms my cold heart. I purchased an authorized GTL hoodie from the Shore Store years ago. The lettering is faded, but the mantra still rings true, just like my appreciation for this perverse show.
Long live the shore, bitch.
