Life can be unfair. Tragedy and loss can strike at any moment, and horrible circumstances usually come along without warning. People who face devastating and heart-breaking situations often feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and unable to cope. Sometimes, it can be extraordinarily hard (if not impossible) to comfort someone who is suffering tremendously.
If you’re unsure of what to say or do when encountering someone who is in unbearable pain, then simply follow this helpful seven-step guide:
Step #1: Find Out What Happened
This part is usually difficult because the other person will probably be crying tremendously. The words they are trying to say usually come out in short and confusing bursts because of the soul-twisting amount of grief they are going through.
When the individual finally regains the composure to speak, listen carefully. They may have been cheated on, they may have lost their job, a close relative may have developed a fatal crotch infection, or maybe they just lost a close friend who drank too much Everclear before accidentally driving into a sex toy shop full of dildos before his or her car exploded into a million pieces.
It’s hard to say, so listen carefully.
Step #2: Offer Words That Are Soothing and Gentle
After fully determining that you will not be able to take advantage of the situation or personally benefit from the other person’s loss, try to offer words that are soothing and gentle, such as:
A) “HOLY SHIT! THAT’S TERRIBLE!”
B) “JESUS CHRIST! I’M GLAD I’M NOT YOU!”
C) WOW! THAT’S FUCKING EMBARRASSING!”
D) “I’VE SEEN PEOPLE GO THROUGH REALLY BAD SHIT BEFORE, BUT NEVER QUITE LIKE THIS! OUCH!“
or…
E) “SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW THAT YOU’RE COMPLETELY FUCKED?”
Step #3: When the Person Finally Calms Down, Get His or Her Mind Off of Sadness By Talking About Things That Make You Happy
Going through a painful experience can leave someone depressed and confused about life in general. After the individual is done weeping intensely from overwhelming grief, wait for that “shining moment” when you can finally talk about the things that make you happy.
Focus specifically on how well your corporate position is going, the extremely large bonus you just received, and your recent promotion. But don’t stop there! Next, show the person pictures of your voluptuous wife, the vacation you both took in Florida, and the gigantic swimming pool you built in your backyard a few months ago. Also, don’t forget to mention that you got some really cool shit from Walmart totally free last weekend because the cashier scanned the items improperly.
Shifting the conversation in this manner will most definitely boost the other person’s morale by causing them to forget about the relentless hurricane of sorrow and agony that is tearing them apart inside.
Step #4: Relate to the Person By Sharing Some of Your Own Painful Stories
Use this as an opportunity to share a time when you were in a really dark place and you thought things would never get better.
Remember when you were in your 20s and dating that gorgeous, red-haired university cheerleader who called you on the phone one day, said she admired everything about you, and told you that you were really great in bed before she deeply regretted that she could no longer see you simply because she was moving to a different city? Remember how you were really depressed for 15 minutes before an even more attractive friend of hers called you, invited you out, and immediately began dating you?
It was a difficult time indeed, but you successfully recovered. You made it through the adversity. Share that story as it’s bound to inspire the other person and give them endless amounts of hope.
Step #5: Try to Relieve the Person’s Anxiety
Tragedy and anxiety go hand in hand. After someone experiences something heart-wrenching, traumatic, or deeply saddening, they often live with the irrational fear that it will happen again. This simply isn’t true.
If you’re unsure of what to say in order to reduce the other person’s fears, just gently put your hand on their shoulder and repeat the following:
“Hey! You’re going to be okay. Yes, this has happened to you 20 times in the past four months, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen again. I have no doubt that you’ll be just fine.”
If that doesn’t work, recommend some highly advanced meditation techniques you learned while vacationing in Thailand that an average person would not be able to comprehend or even successfully utilize as their life is collapsing all around them.
Step #6: Tell the Person to Get Help Before They Begin Sharing Their Life Story
Listening to someone else’s problems is never easy. At some point, you will need to cut the person off before they begin sharing their life story. You really don’t want this to happen because you need to finish your 16th beer and drive home without getting arrested anyway.
This can usually be done effectively by telling them to see a therapist they can’t afford or by recommending some of the psychology books you never had to read in college because you inherited a massive amount of wealth from a distant relative who thought fondly of you before passing away.
Step #7: Give Yourself a Pat on the Back
After getting home safely without seeing flashing lights as well as some stranger in uniform asking you to step outside of your vehicle, give yourself a giant pat on the back.
There should be no doubt in your mind that the person you tried to comfort now feels much better. Whether they went through a horrible accident, a death in the family, a divorce, the loss of an important job, or some other crisis, you can rest assured knowing that his or her life has completely changed because of you.
