My Dearest Diabetes,
It’s been ten years we’ve spent together and in that seemingly immeasurable amount of time, my feelings for you have only grown stronger. What began as something that set my heart racing has grown into a life-changing experience that I never could have anticipated.
It seems in all this time, your commitment to me and my body hasn’t once wavered. So, with these too-small words, through this letter that will never be able to capture how powerful my feelings are for you, I wish nothing more than to say: fuck you, diabetes.
If there were a way to slice open my veins and suck you out of my bloodstream, I’d do it without a moment’s hesitation. I’d climb the highest mountains, go to the ends of the earth to get away from you. If I could kill you and bury you in the desert, I’d be heading to Lowe’s for a new shovel this very moment.
Your desire to be with me at all times leaves me struggling to maintain my sense of self. Please, for the love of all things holy, get a hobby or go out with your friends. Why not take up bird watching? Or long-distance cycling? Just leave me alone every once in a while. How about making Friday evenings your pathological-condition-inducing-buddies-night-out? There are some pretty good karaoke bars out there. Just do anything else but suck the life out of me every now and again. You’re like a shitty boyfriend who gets fired “unfairly” and then can never seem to find a new job so he sits on my couch all day eating potato chips (that I paid for) and playing video games (that his mom gave him for Christmas) until I finally change the locks and throw all his crap on the lawn. I don’t like video games.
And the needles. Every day it’s like being on an episode of Fear Factor that I always win but never take home any prizes. Of all the diseases in all the bodies in all the world, I find you, the one with needles. I know you need to be physically close to me but this is not the type of penetration I want from a partner.
With the least regard possible,
Your indignantly obligated host body
