Hey guys,
I just wanted to send a quick earthMail out (special thanks to Todd for transcribing onto these slate tablets) since I didn’t have time to zoom around to everyone individually. We have a lot going on for Project Survival, and I want to make sure everyone stays up-to-date.
First things first. Doug was carried off by a leopard at some point during the darkness time. We’ll need to backfill his position as Darktime Sentry. I’m hoping someone will feel empowered enough to volunteer, but if we have to, we’ll draw reeds. Also, Doug left his mammoth-hide loincloths hanging to dry outside his hut, so it would be much appreciated if someone could take those off-line.
Next, thanks to Carl, who came by this morning to remind me that “[him] hungry.” Me too, Carl, me too. I’ve spotted a large, menacing lizard in the area, but with our dull flint blades, I’m not sure if it’s scalable. Thinking perhaps our best move would be to collect some of the nearby low-hanging fruit. The sun-colored round ones, not the grass-colored spiky ones (we all remember how many of us had hot bottom explosions from those). Last thing we need is a scent trail for the leopards.
I recently discovered some brownish-green froth pooling on top of the nearby streamline. Gary did a quick test and could only express “taste, bad” before having a heaving mouth evacuation. A deep dive may be our best bet to collect more pure drinking water, but it’s possible that something cleaner has bubbled up downstream. Oh, and as a reminder – Gary’s abdomen is still kind of a pain point, so take it easy on him during your weekly dominance melee.
Also, a quick heads-up – really, SEE SKY, NOW! – there’s been a massive, screeching pterodactyl swooping our cave and campsite area. We need to weave together some grass cordage with a good amount of bandwidth into a net we can throw at it. It’s going to take a lot of leverage, and we’ll need to be careful. While it’s great that we are forecasting above our projected numbers this year after a set of twins was born, we still need to keep up the variation in our gene pool.
And speaking of genetic pool, if you haven’t found a mate yet, could you please pair up? No need to invent the wheel here, guys. Just grab any woman you see, bash her over the head, and drag her back to your shelter. If you find you’re really struggling, let me know. We can turn this into a team-building exercise, and I’ll take you guys out clubbing.
Please reply to let me know you read my earthMail by EOD (end of daylight). Just lean out of your den and scream.
See you around the fire,
Joe
CEO (Caveman Elder Omnivore)
