I used to think that Chris Christie was the biggest heel in the field of 2016 Republican presidential candidates, but Mike Huckabee – a wet fart in human form – has run away with the title in the past few months.
First, he told a delightful anecdote about wishing he would have told his high school gym teacher that he identified as a woman so he could shower with girls. Now, he can be seen ruining “Eye of the Tiger” forever and escorting Kim Davis out of jail following her release for simply not doing her job. This wasn’t due to religious persecution; she went to jail because she is a clerk who refused to adhere to the law, which is to offer marriage licenses to all couples, gay or straight.
Kim Davis is no doubt going to become rich from this, but she’s no martyr. She’s just a bigoted bumpkin hypocrite who can’t seem to figure out that if she can’t or won’t do the job she was elected to do, she just shouldn’t be doing it. And, since she refused to quit, there was a price to pay. The people who truly believe in her and passionately tweet #ImWithKim are genuinely misinformed and, frankly, stupid. Typically, I’d say that’s okay because when you crunch the numbers and look at the odds, the world just has to have stupid people. There’s no way around that. There are billions of humans living on this planet; not everyone is going to be gifted with intelligence. It’s the same as not everyone being able to dunk a basketball. It happens.
But when stupid people are given a platform like this to reach scores of other stupid people, they start to build a dangerous movement. Mike Huckabee has helped fuel it by shamelessly utilizing this as a campaign tool, propping himself up as the warrior for religious rights. But anyone with maybe a quarter of a brain sees the stunt for what it is, and the only people buying Huckabee’s garbage anyway are the people already voting for him.
So no matter what, as he comes out of this even, Huckabee’s chances to win the candidacy are still somewhere between Rand Paul and Donald Trump’s used underwear.
I was honored to meet w/ #KimDavis. A woman of such strong faith and conviction. #ImWithKim #ReligiousLiberty pic.twitter.com/RhcaENaA6i
— Gov. Mike Huckabee (@GovMikeHuckabee) September 8, 2015
But still, Huckabee, and now Davis, are people with followings. That’s enough to warrant concern.
Not to be outdone, though, Ted Cruz met with Davis as well and then barfed out something about doing “everything in his power to ensure more Americans don’t become victim to religious persecution by the government,” which couldn’t be a more wrong statement in regards to what happened to this woman. When he’s not embarrassing himself with horrendous Simpsons impressions, Cruz likes to remind everyone that he, too, is a complete moron.
The number of fools running for president on the Republican side is shocking, and with Trump leading the polls by a huge margin and guys like Cruz and Huckabee desperately trying to out-dumbass each other, it’s a pretty dark time for the GOP. From the looks of it, as many Republican candidates continue to be beholden to the religious right, this dark time doesn’t appear ready to end anytime soon. It’s like everybody in the Republican party just fell into that pink goop from Ghostbusters II and then decided it would be a good idea to get lobotomies, too.
I’m 27 years old and I would honestly rather have ALF running for president than people like Huckabee, Cruz and Trump. Knowing full well that he’s just a puppet, I’d feel better about the direction of the country if a cat-eating fictional character was in office. Somehow, I know he’d be smart enough to figure out what real religious persecution is.