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    Robot Butt

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      I JUST SAW THE AUSTRALIAN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

      October 19, 2026

      Appointments to Men In Black Your Memories Away Are On Hold Until 2029

      September 29, 2026

      NEW REALITY TV SHOWS FOR DONALD TRUMP

      September 17, 2026

      Tubi Tuesday: Planet Of The Vampires (1965)

      September 15, 2026

      TOP-GROSSING ROCK REUNION TOURS THIS SUMMER

      August 24, 2026

      20 Genre-Bending College Rock Bands To Try Out After They Exist

      July 26, 2026

      FUN & HARMLESS WAYS TO MOTIVATE YOUR BLUES MUSICIAN BFF

      May 12, 2026

      EVERY LEGAL CHARGE BY HIS MAJESTY’S GOVERNMENT AGAINST “THE ANDREW FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE”

      May 4, 2026

      I JUST SAW THE AUSTRALIAN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

      October 19, 2026

      Appointments to Men In Black Your Memories Away Are On Hold Until 2029

      September 29, 2026

      NEW REALITY TV SHOWS FOR DONALD TRUMP

      September 17, 2026

      Tubi Tuesday: Planet Of The Vampires (1965)

      September 15, 2026
    • Fiction
      1. Comics
      2. View All

      Enjoy This Lighthearted But Terrifying Halloween Post!

      October 18, 2026

      A Cartoon About A Prawn

      June 13, 2026

      Two Cartoons About Apples

      June 11, 2026

      A Cartoon About Pocket Notebooks

      May 31, 2026

      Steel Toe Tommy

      September 21, 2026

      Nursery Rhymes – Ancient Wisdom Or Nefarious Lies?

      September 8, 2026

      PAPPY’S ICED TEA

      June 21, 2026

      This End Up

      June 7, 2026
    • History

      An Oral History Of The Heimlich Maneuver

      September 18, 2026

      Nursery Rhymes – Ancient Wisdom Or Nefarious Lies?

      September 8, 2026

      Alexander The Great Solves The Gordian Knot

      August 3, 2026

      Clarifications From Count Dracula

      August 2, 2026

      America’s 250th Anniversary – State Motto Update

      July 27, 2026
    • Life
      1. Science
      2. Thoughts
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      Modern Hail Sizes for a Golf Ball Illiterate Nation

      October 11, 2026

      SpaceX to Launch One Trillion Dollars to the Sun

      September 12, 2026

      Sociologist Who Lost 23 Pairs of Glasses Finally Cracks Mosh Pit Code

      September 11, 2026

      2026 Virtual National Labor Day Picnic Celebration: AI Agents And Assistants Only; Humans Not Invited

      September 7, 2026

      I Have Become A Haiku Master

      July 5, 2026

      Local Airline Pilot Takes Train To Work

      April 2, 2026

      Thank You AI!

      January 6, 2026

      Daves Are Going Extinct 

      May 27, 2025

      Press Conference Regarding the Adult Male Hiding From Trick-or-Treaters

      October 28, 2026

      An Open Letter to the Tooth Fairy

      October 27, 2026

      Your Child’s First Steps Toward a Life of Meaningful Labor

      October 20, 2026

      Enjoy This Lighthearted But Terrifying Halloween Post!

      October 18, 2026
    • Politics
    • Sports
      1. Basketball
      2. Football
      3. View All

      NBA Accidentally Drafts Grammy Winning Saxophonist Boney James

      July 28, 2024

      NBA Deems Draymond Green’s Latest Treatment a Rousing Success

      January 15, 2024

      These Ordinary People Were Victims of the Harlem Globetrotters’ Terrible Basketball Antics

      June 17, 2022

      Hey, Uh, Did This Canva Template Just Invent A New Sports League?

      February 7, 2026

      NFL Team Eliminated? Clueless about Football? Find a Favorite: A Pre-Super Bowl Connection Guide For Choosing YOUR Bandwagon 

      January 22, 2026

      Colorado Buffalo Replacement Mascot Part of Failed Conspiracy?

      September 30, 2025

      5 Ins and Outs for Your Super Bowl Party!

      February 9, 2025

      PLEASE STOP BETTING ON MY IMPROV SHOWS ON KALSHI!

      August 11, 2026

      Tubi Tuesday: Mr. Go (2013)

      August 4, 2026

      “Best in Show” Extreme Breed Makeover

      July 20, 2026

      DAT ASS Is Going To Revolutionize—And Democratize—Professional Sports As We Know It

      July 11, 2026
    • Podcasts
    • Uncanny Valley
      1. Breaking News
      2. Company Blog
      3. Staff Posts
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      Beyond Gulf and Lake of America, Hey! Plans To Name And Rename Bodies Of Water

      September 9, 2026

      Next Minions Movie Announced: Minions & Speech Therapists 

      September 2, 2026

      Iran Gains Control Of Reflecting Pool

      August 31, 2026

      Mindfulness App Achieves Sentience: Immediately Develops Anxiety

      August 23, 2026

      Robot Butt’s New Year’s Resolutions

      January 3, 2023

      This Internship is Already Teaching Me So Much

      July 17, 2015

      Meet Robot Butt’s New Intern, Darren!

      June 17, 2015

      I Am Going to Die in the Robot Butt Office

      April 24, 2014

      5 Things to Check Before Buying a Home

      October 15, 2026

      Here’s a Client Testimonial About Our Realtor, Walt

      October 14, 2026

      Robot Butt is Selling a House!

      October 13, 2026

      We, the Interns at the Robot Butt, Make the Following Demands

      September 23, 2026

      5 Things to Check Before Buying a Home

      October 15, 2026

      Here’s a Client Testimonial About Our Realtor, Walt

      October 14, 2026

      Robot Butt is Selling a House!

      October 13, 2026

      We, the Interns at the Robot Butt, Make the Following Demands

      September 23, 2026
    • About Us
      1. Books & Zines
      2. Contact
      3. Submission Guidelines
      4. View All

      Physical Copies Of Our Real Estate Brochure Are Out Now!

      October 17, 2026

      Real Estate Listing for a Haunted House

      October 16, 2026

      Stream The New Sketch Comedy Album Mr. Sandwich Right Now!

      August 15, 2025

      The Robot Butt Company Handbook: A Humor Zine Designed to Be Read at Work

      June 10, 2024

      Press Conference Regarding the Adult Male Hiding From Trick-or-Treaters

      October 28, 2026

      An Open Letter to the Tooth Fairy

      October 27, 2026

      Your Child’s First Steps Toward a Life of Meaningful Labor

      October 20, 2026

      I JUST SAW THE AUSTRALIAN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

      October 19, 2026

      Press Conference Regarding the Adult Male Hiding From Trick-or-Treaters

      October 28, 2026

      An Open Letter to the Tooth Fairy

      October 27, 2026

      Your Child’s First Steps Toward a Life of Meaningful Labor

      October 20, 2026

      I JUST SAW THE AUSTRALIAN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

      October 19, 2026

      Press Conference Regarding the Adult Male Hiding From Trick-or-Treaters

      October 28, 2026

      An Open Letter to the Tooth Fairy

      October 27, 2026

      Your Child’s First Steps Toward a Life of Meaningful Labor

      October 20, 2026

      I JUST SAW THE AUSTRALIAN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

      October 19, 2026
    Robot Butt
    Articles

    Things to Do With Things You’re Not Doing Anything With

    By Lee BlevinsJanuary 10, 2018

    Air Mattress Pump: Toss into a nearby occupied room and roleplay a biological terror attack. Ashtray (But You Quit Smoking):…

    Articles

    I Really Wish I Hadn’t Silently Hawked Up a Loogie Right Before You Went in for a Kiss

    By Sarah Louisa BurnsJanuary 9, 2018

    I tried Mucinex, but could still feel slime inching its way down the back of my throat in a way…

    Life

    Wait for the One (Who Sends You Flirty Late-Night Texts and Then Tells You ‘You’re Not Thinking Clearly’ When You Ask If There’s Something More Between the Two of You!)

    By Molly KiernanJanuary 8, 2018

    Ladies! Don’t settle. Wait for the one! More specifically, the one who sends you flirty late-night texts and then tells…

    Thoughts

    The Reason Why I, a Very Stable Genius, Am Sitting Butt Naked in the Middle of the Freeway

    By SteveJanuary 6, 2018

    I am like, really smart. Anybody who knows me will tell you the exact same thing. And though I know…

    Articles

    How You Found Robot Butt: December 2017 Edition

    By SteveJanuary 5, 2018

    In today’s “fake news” society, it’s more important than ever to seek out knowledge, to always be willing to read…

    Life

    Why I Haven’t Been to the Gym in Two-and-a-Half Years (Though I Am Still Paying the Monthly Membership Fee)

    By Christine ChampagneJanuary 5, 2018

    Is it braggy to say I achieved my fitness goals in the aughts? Seriously, I’m not really in bad shape.…

    Breaking News

    Paul Ryan Introduces Legislation Allowing Only People in First Place in Mario Kart to Get Blue Shells

    By Robot Butt News Corp.January 4, 2018

    WASHINGTON – Introduced by Paul Ryan and having the full support of the GOP behind it, House Republicans seem poised to…

    Articles

    Clear Signs a Woman Is Lying About Sexual Assault

    By Lillian StoneJanuary 4, 2018

    1. She once ordered from the Cheesecake Factory Fit N’ Flirty cocktail menu. 2. She has a generally gregarious personality and…

    Life

    How to Lose a Guy in 1-25 Texts

    By Nicole WalkowJanuary 3, 2018

    1) Text him something simple like “Hey!” Then send him a picture of a dead bird. 2) Send a follow-up text…

    Breaking News

    Man Resolves to Abandon New Year’s Resolutions Faster Than Ever

    By Robot Butt News Corp.January 2, 2018

    GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. – With the clean slate of a brand-new year upon him, local insurance salesman James Crosby has resolved…

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