Dr. Henrich Heimlich was not the first to invent a procedure aimed at saving people from choking to death on food. We’d have to go back 40,000 years to what is now known as Siberia where an early Neanderthal witnessed his cave-mate violently gagging on a freshly-toasted baby bird (fire had been discovered days earlier). The caveman’s less than fully developed brain did not allow him to intellectualize performing an abdominal thrust on his buddy. So he climbed to the cave roof and dropped a big-ass rock on his head, instantly killing the dude. It was ill-conceived, but a start.
The future Heimlich continued its evolution with the Cro-Magnons, who slightly improved the maneuver when an early radish became lodged in the throat of a tribe member causing her to violently thrash while desperately projecting “kaaaking!” sounds. Her mate came to the rescue by forcefully punching her in the stomach. The radish flew out of the punchee and flew into the mouth of the puncher causing him to gag and warranting a return stomach punch from his significant other. The radish ping-pong went on for hours until a bear who had been watching for entertainment decided to do the bear-thing and ate them both.
Cut to revolutionary France of the 1700s. While a group of guillotine staff were enjoying a lunch of cheese and Bordeaux, one of the executioners began choking on a hunk of Camembert. All were at a loss for a solution, when an intern working for the team suggested beheading. It seemed logical and certainly stopped the gagging, but was not an overall success. The poor intern was axed, figuratively and literally.
Often times, the food obstructions were confused with hiccups. Well-intentioned friends, relatives or strangers tried to scare the victims. But it just made the conclusions worse as the chokers’ death certificates not only read “asphyxiation”, but also heart attack.
Enter Dr. Heimlich and his maneuver in 1974. Abdominal thrusts have been clearing blocked airways ever since. Even Kings and Presidents were rescued from choking to death on all manner of foods. Except for one contemporary cuisine. Oddly enough, none of those leaders has ever been saved nor has died from gagging on a cheeseburger. Because it just isn’t royal or presidential to be eating fast food meat and cheese on a bun. With that in mind, we should sincerely hope and pray that a King or a President will not be saved from choking on cheeseburger.
