Olympic French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati famously had trouble clearing the bar in his
event because of his large package. While typical males might lack sympathy, here are other BIG
problems faced by those amongst us with BIG junk:
When IT attracts every breed of sniffing dog at parks and playgrounds
When the Starbucks barista who notices IT insists you need a Trenta cup
When IT brushes against the homeless guy slumped next to you in a packed subway car
When IT can’t be avoided while getting pat-downs by much-too-eager TSA personnel
When IT causes you to stand out when facing sideways in a police lineup
When Twister participants insist your turn can’t end when you put IT on a colored circle
When IT provides an inviting target when you’re trying to avoid arm tackles
When IT makes grocery store clerks think you’re shoplifting a rump roast
When IT gives your mate the idea to borrow your jock strap to slingshot huge rocks
When IT makes riding a fireman’s pole from a station’s upstairs a bumpy ride down
When IT interferes with rocking back-and-forth when executing a Yoga Bow Pose
When IT prevents balancing your Mac or PC on your lap
When somebody thinks you lying on your back makes IT a horseshoes target
When IT makes standard men’s pants zippers into weapons to avoid
When IT is mistaken for a sundial when you’re asleep on a sunny beach day
When IT started intimidating all at show-and-tell sessions
When IT renders the face down snow angel you made into a miniature golf green
When IT gets you charged with brandishing a deadly weapon
When IT distracts your fingering doctor during a prostate exam
When IT makes for a bumpy approach when sliding on your belly into second base
When IT necessitates that you stand behind a podium when teaching high school
When IT causes angst when a party host breaks out a Limbo bar
When drunken buddies insist you show IT off to win bets for them
When IT elicits memories of causing pain squeezing through mom’s birth canal
When awe-struck by ITs sight, women overlook your smile, mind, and personality
