1952 – “Don’t Call my Baby Baby, Baby” by the Babies
Considered the first one hit wonder and hoping to capitalize on the newest slang of the day, the Babies had a #1 hit with this tune that soon wore out its welcome when the band took the slang too far and began blurring the lines of the affectionate term “baby” and literal newborns in their live performances.
1964 – “Hey President Johnson ” by Stone Fletcher
In this simple yet powerful piece of acoustic protest rock, Stone Fletcher used his lyrics to get the people of the country to speak to power. With lines like “Are you there President Johnson” and “Is now a good time Mr. President ” and of course “I can come back later”, Stone continues to try and get the attention of the president for 10 minutes of basic chords. Sadly, Stones’ career was put to an end when he choked and died on a Kinder Egg, which many thought the CIA was responsible for in retaliation to his stirring anthem.
1971 – “Ballad of the Golden Harvest King’s Scepter of Sapphire (The Cave of Wonders)” by Aragorn’s Pelvis
At the height of progressive rock, Aragorn’s Pelvis hit the top 10 with this 94-minute opus. Containing a 20 minutes guitar solo, several kazoo arpeggios, and a spoken verse section in Brazilian Portuguese, this song was considered revolutionary before its popularity amongst recently divorced dads and the unbathed scared off the general populace.
1978 – “Disco Dictatorship” by The Boogie Squad
After hearing the troubled cries of a torture victim of the Videla Dictatorship in Argentina and noticing how catchy the shrieks of agony were, a clever producer for The Boogie Squad named Sven Ghali along sampled the sound and added strings and a brass section and the song swept disco clubs throughout the nation. The Boogie Squads’ follow-up “Slave To The Rhythm” was not as successful as the sounds of indentured servants in a Soviet gulag lacked the same melodic qualities.
1984 – “Computer Lover” by Bingo Bango
Bingo Bango scored a hit with their new wave opus, featuring very dated synth and reverb turned up to 10.0. The song became so popular in the U.S that tapes were smuggled into East Berlin as part of the indentured cities’ attempt to embrace American culture. After the tape made the rounds, it instilled a sense of doubt about the bifurcated city joining the west as their faith in the cultural benefits of the west was shaken by the terrible music. This halted the process of the Berlin Wall falling by 5 years.
1993 – Swallow The Sky by Blood Bucket
Seattle-based Blood Bucket scored a low-key hit with this Grunge hit containing one-note clean guitars with quiet grunts and two-note choruses with distorted chords and louder grunts. While it is unclear what the lead singer is saying as his jaw was wired shut due to complications from his 15 years of heroin abuse, the 20-year-old front man Clay Barrett’s guttural utterances captured the dark hearts of Gen X.
2004 – The Club is My Castle Tonight by Natasha Sage
With lyrics extolling the virtues of low-rise jeans and juicy couture, this hit rang throughout middle school gymnasiums full of middle schoolers dancing their hearts away, presumably to forget the horrors of 9/11. Natasha’s career was sadly cut short when she died in a tragic razor scooter accident after her Uggs caused her to lose control and roll onto incoming traffic.
