Dear Esteemed Members of the Board of Governors:
It has been brought to my attention that the Board of Governors for the University of Ingolstadt has initiated a disciplinary review of yours truly, Victor Frankenstein. While I support academic integrity, it would be unwise and unfair for the Board to pursue such a review until I have solved the problem of the miserable monster upon whom I bestowed existence.
Yes, it is true that I have spent the last few months assembling a creature out of human body parts that I removed from the dissecting room without the authorization of my academic supervisor, M. Krempe. And yes, I bestowed animation upon this lifeless matter. And yes, this so-called monster, which I unleashed upon the world, has now turned murderous. But that is exactly why it would be unsafe for the Board to subject me to review at this time.
The town of Ingolstadt has ordered all residents to shelter in place while this murderous monster roams the streets. It would be imprudent for the Board of Governors to meet under such conditions. My chief goal is to ensure the safety of the good members of the Board. The only way to do this is to delay any disciplinary actions until I can destroy the abhorred monster of my own creation.
I understand that some members of the Board intend to deliver their votes by letter. If they do so it will be the most inaccurate and fraudulent disciplinary hearing in history. As we now know, the monster has learned to read and write. The next logical step is that he will learn to forge letters in an effort to undermine the Board’s vote.
It will be an embarrassment to Bavaria. Delay the disciplinary hearing until people can properly, securely and safely meet to vote – that is, when I have tracked the monster to the ends of the earth and destroyed it.
Sincerely,
Victor Frankenstein
